Everything about Florence Given’s feminist masterpiece Women Don’t Owe You Pretty screams “READ ME.” From the 70’s-esque cover page to the powerful feminist artwork inside, Given makes her book impossible to ignore and for good reason. I used to shy away from anything that appeared to be overtly feminist, but when a close friend recommended this book to me, I decided to give it a go. Within the pages of Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, my perspective and feelings toward being a woman were changed entirely. There are no words that could fully describe what this book has given me. The advice and harsh truths that are written by Given have been and will continue to be, a catalyst for positive change in my life.
- I come first.
-
The first important truth that Women Don’t Owe You Pretty made apparent to me is that I need to put myself first. Oftentimes, women are expected to put the needs of others before their own and are praised for doing so. This is something I really related to. I am a naturally caring person so when I see the opportunity to help someone, I always do, sometimes sacrificing my own well-being to do so. Given argues that constantly taking on this role of caretaker for those who are perfectly capable of caring for themselves is exhausting and leads to you becoming a watered-down version of yourself. Through reading Given’s chapter titled “You Are the Love of Your Own Life”, I adapted the perspective that putting myself first is the ultimate form of self-love.
- Am I misogynistic?
-
By definition, internalized misogyny is when women subconsciously project sexist ideas onto other women and even onto themselves. Given dedicates a few chapters of her book to discuss internalized misogyny. One of these chapters that really spoke to me was titled “Refuse to Find Comfort in Other Women’s Flaws.” Oftentimes, I have found myself and other women in my life finding a kind of comfort in feeling better or prettier than others. Given describes this phenomenon perfectly in this chapter:
“As a result of the rigorous beauty standards that we are so harshly held up against, we inevitably find a disturbing amount of comfort in tearing down women who reflect our insecurities back to us.”
Before reading this book, I rarely considered the concept of internalized misogyny and was oblivious to the fact that I might be projecting misogyny onto myself and other women. I realized, though, that internalized misogyny is something embedded by society into all of us. Because of this, I knew I needed to start consciously working on quieting the damaging voice of internalized misogyny. Women are not each other’s competition. A woman’s looks do not determine her worth. And women are just as capable of achieving everything a man can.
- As a woman, I am not alone in my experiences of sexism.
-
Throughout reading Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, I felt validated in so many ways. Given touches on primarily women’s issues such as rape culture, gaslighting, catcalling, and abuse. While every woman experiences these things differently, we are all the same in the sense that women are more vulnerable to these occurrences. For each of these very prominent topics, Given gives advice on how to deal with these situations in a way that benefits you. For me, it was also very validating to have someone reaffirm that things such as catcalling are not okay and can be traumatizing in some instances.
- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
-
Within Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, Given discusses boundaries as a necessary way to protect your energy. The way she explains boundaries and the advice she gives on setting your own allowed me to, for the first time, feel confident with my boundaries. Given provides a short list of simple boundaries and encourages the reader to brainstorm their own, personal, list. She goes even further with this and provides some questions to ask yourself if you feel that your boundaries are being violated and to ensure that you are effectively communicating those boundaries to others. Questions such as, “Do I have the capacity to help my friend out right now?” and “Have I expressed to people how I’m feeling?” are good examples. Before reading this novel, I struggled with the concept of boundaries. Now, I feel confident in my ability to stick to these boundaries and check up on myself if I’m feeling uncomfortable with a situation or relationship.
In my opinion, every woman should read this book! After all, the experience of being a woman in a male-centered world can be hard, and sometimes we all need some validation or advice. Women Don’t Owe You Pretty is truly such a validating and insightful guide to life as a young woman.