Looking around ASU, it is easy to see that college campuses are the ideal environment for dating. Take a large student population of men and women, all in the same relative age group and living in the same small town—and relationships of all kinds will ensue. There are so many types of situations a girl can find herself in, and the dating world in college can be vastly different from both high school and the real world after graduation.
We all know the rules we’ve heard time and time again, from our friends and family, in the pages of magazines, through chick flicks and episodes of our guilty pleasure TV shows (Gossip Girl). We know the traditional ones, like that he’s supposed to make the first move, and that you shouldn’t go home with him on the first date. But what about the rules that may need a second look? Or the ones that we forget about until we find ourselves knee-deep in tissues and anguish? Are we following outdated rules that no longer apply to the ever expanding and complicated world of independent women with their own lives to live?
While it is hard to cover every possible aspect of dating, there are always a handful of essential things to keep in mind no matter what. Perhaps there are some methods that stand the test of time and trends, but when it comes to dating in college, some rules are meant to be broken.
The Rules to Follow
Do be wary of rumors, reputations, and bad histories. – Trust your instincts, because there is usually a reason why you’ve heard warnings about him in the first place. Yeah, people can change, but no one wants to be the girl who finds out first-hand that the rumors are true.
Do believe that you can have everything you want. – Some sacrifices are always necessary when it comes to the little things, but know that you deserve someone who fits easily into your life without causing you stress, anxiety, or resentment.
Do expect him to treat you similarly in all situations. – If he comes over and pretends that you’re the only girl in the world at your apartment on movie night, and then essentially ignores you out at a party or football game the next weekend, that’s a red flag. Sure, he may be a bit different when he’s in front of his friends than when he’s solo, but there is a definite difference between inconsistent and rude.
Do be yourself no matter what. – Yes it sounds cheesy, but it’s absolutely true. While it is completely normal to dress up a little more than normal for a date, don’t drastically change your personal style just to go out with someone. You won’t feel comfortable, and he won’t get a clear impression of who you really are.
Do know what you are and are not willing to compromise. – We grow by spending time with people that are different from us, but it is important to keep in mind the “personal policies” you may have that you’re not willing to sacrifice. It could be anything from political stances, religion, to how he interacts with his family and friends. For instance, if you don’t drink and he does, you don’t have to immediately rule him out. See how the two of you interact somewhere together in different situations, but don’t think you have to match him shot for shot if that’s not who you are. You’ll know if it’s not working for you.
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The Rules to Break
Don’t put yourself in the type of situation where you are one in multiple girls vying for the attention of the same guy. – If you like competition, join an intramural team. If you have to prove to a man that he should be with you over anyone else, he’ll never fully appreciate you on his own.
Don’t compare past relationships too much. – It is crucial to learn from our history, but every situation is different and you’ll go crazy if you try to line each guy up and analyze them together.
Don’t be afraid to be sexy. – This is the type of concept that is defined by each girl’s personal tastes and does not necessarily have to constitute anything specific or typical of the stereotyped “ideal woman.” Find what makes you feel sexy and confident: if it’s not four inch heels, then don’t feel like you have to wear them. It may be that Usher CD you listen to when you get ready, or the really good pair of jeans you try to save for significant occasions. Just remember to work it!
Don’t think you always need to stick to a specific type or only date men who have “the one” potential. – Of course it’s important to look for certain things that you find valuable in a man, but you don’t want to miss out on some great guys just because you didn’t initially think they’d be a good fit for you. There isn’t anything wrong with wondering if he could be Mr. Right, but remember not to put too much stress on certain expectations of a relationship. If you’re only focused on what he might be like in the future, you’ll never get to know him in the present. Besides, even though our instincts are usually spot-on, you may let someone surprise you every so often by taking a chance with a guy you wouldn’t typically go out with.
Don’t wait around for him to text or call. – There is nothing wrong with being hopeful and prepared for it, but that doesn’t mean you should hesitate on making other plans or keeping your life full with the things that make you happy. Plus, he’ll be that much more intrigued if he knows you’re not free at any given moment that he asks to hang out.
The point is, if you’re genuine, confident, and smart, your relationship should fall right into place!