Tired of Official-ish?

So there’s this guy.  You hook up, you text semi-regularly, you partake in semi-platonic date-like activities with him…  But you haven’t met his friends, you don’t really have substantive conversations, and you never sleep over.  Sound familiar?  Congratulations, you’re in an Amherst we’re-not-really-together-or-official-do-I-even-like-him relationship.  But what does it mean?
 
 
Well, a couple things.  Firstly, like many other Jeffs, you both like to have a good time.  Hook ups can be a really fun part of college, and having a steady hook up buddy can be comfortable and easy on weeknights when you’d really rather not study.  Also, it might mean one or both of you doesn’t have the time to be in a more serious relationship.  Commitments at Amherst pile up at a scary rate. Professors all somehow manage to schedule midterms and papers for the same week, you’re committed to all these extra-curriculars (that at the time you signed up seemed like easy resume-builders and now they just seem like a whole lot of work you’re not even doing for credit—except HerCampus, which is awesome), and you’re not ready to give up your entire social life to try to make your non-relationship work.  It could also mean that while you are both into each other on the basic caveman level, you’re just not that into him or vice versa.
 
 
The main question to ask is: are you happy with the situation?  It’s hard not to put labels on things, but maybe this sort-of-not-really relationship is exactly what you need right now.  Also, I want you to think about this guy for a minute.  Not the recurring day dream you have about him when you’re in lecture, the real him.  Is he someone you would like to be in a relationship with? Do you like not only the way he looked at you that one time, but what you’ve gleaned of his personality?  If no, then you should just let sleeping dogs lie.  Yes, it’s frustrating to have to refer to him as your “friend,” but it would be false to think of him as anything else.
 
 

Now if you do find that you really like him, I say go for it.  And by go for it, I mean tell him that you really like him, not just screw his brains out again.  Guys sometimes need obvious.  Your subtle hints that you’re interested in something more may have just gone over his head.  Sit him down and tell him straight out.  Keep it casual.  Worst case scenario, he’s not into it and you stop hooking up.  But do you really want to be hooking up with the guy you like if he doesn’t like you back?  Also, remember that he may not want to be with you in a more committed way because of the reasons I listed up above.  By cutting him off, you’ll either make him realize how much he really did like you or you’ll free yourself up for guys who will actually want to get to know you in daylight.  And don’t worry, if you get horny, there’s always the Box.