The liberal arts education is all about asking the tough questions and seeking truth, so we are wondering about some of the baffling behaviors of the drunken male, such as:
Peeing in trash cans: If there was a trash can, doesn’t that mean you were within the reaches of civilisation and chances are there was a bathroom nearby? Or even a tree?
Throw beer on people: Why does this seem like a good idea? Do you think people want beer on them? Do you think they will be happy because they were hot and you cooled them down? Or that the smell of Keystone is so delightful that everyone wants to be bathed in it for the rest of the night?
Bang things against the wall: Why are you banging that mattress/bat/empty bottle against the wall? Did you want to make a speech? Is it just because you like loud noises? Are you protesting something?
Punch inanimate objects: There are many highly apparent reasons NOT to punch inanimate objects. First of all, you’re probably going to hurt your hand. Second of all, that hole in the wall/window/bulletin board is not fixing itself without your dorm damage money. So were you just curious to see what happened when you punched the wall? Or did it seem like a fun activity? Or maybe it said something mean?
Yell: Inside voices please. We can hear you, I promise. You know what would be fun? Whispering!
Go to the Wrong Room and Get in Bed: Try to find the door that has your name on it. Or maybe write your room number on your hand so that you don’t forget? Or draw yourself a little map so you don’t get lost?