I am not the type of girl to tell a guy that I have feelings for him. I love joking around with my guy friends and teasing them about their dates, and people they have been talking to on Tinder. The friend zone is my comfort zone.
But, even I will admit that I can develop a little crush every once in a while. I was completely in the friend zone with a guy I will refer to as Jimmy. I was deep in the friend zone with. For example, he would make fun of me for being overly girly whenever I wore a dress. However, there were also moments that made me wonder about our relationship. Little comments here and there that I would build up in my head, convincing myself that they had deeper meaning. These were the moments that would keep me up at night thinking, maybe, just maybe, he the same way about me. As you know by the title of this article he didn’t actually like me (awkward). So I’ll get on to explain why, despite the outcome, I’m still glad I told him.
I had been thinking about telling him for about a week before I actually got enough courage to do it. I rehearsed it to myself while walking back from class a few times (probably looking crazy) and confided in some close friends that I was going to tell Jimmy. I had my whole speech prepared but I was still terrified about actually doing it.
Unfortunately, it didn’t happen exactly as I had planned. I had the help of some liquid courage, (which I did not plan on) so I was not completely in my right mind. He could see that. We were sitting in his room, and without much introduction, I said it. I told him that I like-liked him. Yes, I reverted back to my fourth grade self and said it like I was a love-struck elementary schooler. And long story short, despite all the moments and instances where I convinced myself that it was mutual, it ended up being one-sided. So after leaving his room, I ate some vanilla Haagen-Dazs ice cream in my bed and binge-watched Netflix like some sad scene from a romantic comedy.
Being rejected sucks. There is no other way to put it. I was lucky that Jimmy was incredibly sweet about the situation, but even so, it still stings. But I am here to tell you that after a few days it can start to feel awesome. I know I may sound delusional. But really, once the moment of sadness passed, it felt incredibly liberating to know the truth after playing the guessing game for so long.
So many times in life, I’ve had crushes on guys, but I’ve never done anything about it. I’m left with questions and the maddening what-ifs that are never resolved. The wondering is a slow form of torture that is much worse than feeling sad for a couple of days. By knowing how he feels, I have gained closure and no longer secretly pine for him, hoping he makes a move one day. I know this thought can be terrifying, but if you care about someone, you should tell them. If you end up like me, it might take a few days or weeks and several pints of ice cream, but you will thank yourself in the long run.