Some of us might get our ideas about BDSM from pop culture such as movies like 50 Shades of Grey or maybe even the controversial film 365 Days. But BDSM is actually a very complex form of eroticism with many stereotypes surrounding the people who practice it. Here we are going to dispel three myths you may have heard about BDSM and reframe how we think about the practice.
So first off, what is BDSM? BDSM, standing for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism, and covers a wide range of erotic practices. These practices can include dominance, submission, roleplay, intense sensation play, or pleasure from receiving or inflicting pain. However, someone who practices BDSM does not necessarily relate to all practices that could be subgrouped under the umbrella term of BDSM. So let’s dive into what those misconceptions are about people who practice BDSM.
Myth #1: BDSM is inherently abusive.
Many believe that because BDSM is often correlated with inflicting physical pain on a partner or partners, it can’t be done in a healthy way or that it’s innately abusive. However, there are many sources that are now claiming that this perception is invalid. In 2018, two allegations were made public against politicians Governor Eric Greitens of Missouri and Eric T. Schneiderman, the former attorney general of New York. Both of these allegations included claims of actions that are predominantly associated with BDSM including hitting, pushing bondage, and recording without consent. This prompted a conversation about the difference between abuse and BDSM. A 2018 NY Times article took to exploring this topic and found that there are clear distinctions between the two. Through interviewing people in the BDSM community, including the author of “The S&M Feminist”, Clarisse Thorn, the authors found that an incredibly significant factor of the BDSM community lies in its centering of consent, communication, and boundary setting. Furthermore, BDSM can be described as a “choose your own story”. Not everyone’s experience with BDSM is exactly the same, it can be tailored to one’s likes and boundaries to make sure everyone is fully informed, enthusiastic, and consenting to any activity they engage in. However, it is important to note here that abuse can occur within the BDSM community just like it can in any other community. By centering the discourse around BDSM being abusive, many now are prompted to argue that this is damaging to people who may feel that because of this narrative they can’t seek help while in abusive relationships within the BDSM community, and it ignores the vast majority of healthy relationships that engage in BDSM practices.
Myth #2: those who engage with BDSM have a previous history of abuse or trauma.
Again, it’s important to note here that there are people within the BDSM community who have experienced abuse or trauma, however, there are others who haven’t and that it doesn’t define the entire community. A 2019 study conducted on a systematic review of BDSM from a biopsychosocial perspective revealed that there’s been no proven causal relationship between previous sexual trauma and BDSM interest. It is also interesting to note here that from this study that they acknowledged that “because BDSM practitioners frequently emphasize consent, safety, and personal boundaries within BDSM play, they may label certain behaviors more quickly as being sexually transgressive than non-practitioners from the general population.”. Therefore, people within the BDSM community may be even more conscious and vocal about abusive behavior that has caused trauma in their past because of the emphasis on consent within the BDSM community. Furthermore, a 2018 study done by Charlotta Carlström on the process of becoming a BDSM practitioner, noted that several empirical studies found that BDSM cannot be explained in terms of psychopathology or through the claim that those that experience childhood trauma are more likely to engage in BDSM. In addition, it’s important to acknowledge that saying someone has to have previous trauma in order to want to engage in BDSM relies on the assumption that people who have experienced trauma or abuse are incapable of making healthy and informed decisions about their sexuality.
Myth #3: those who engage in BDSM are in some way psychologically maladjusted.
As I noted above, several new studies and media articles mark a point of contrast against the common discourse that trauma plays a role in who practices BDSM. However, in addition, BDSM has historically been pathologized first by Krafft-Ebing and later by Freud which seeped into scientific articles in the 1970s and 1980s and have impacted the findings in the International Classification of Diseases and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th edition. Because of this, the BDSM community has been subjected to stigmatization and judgment. However, as more recent discourse has begun to study BDSM communities from a more well-rounded biopsychological perspective, it has been found that BDSM is not pathological. In fact, BDSM may actually be a form of healthy and healing harm reduction technique against forms of self-harm, as well as a transition to a more evolved coping mechanism to therapeutically deal with emotional pain and trauma. It should be noted here that this applies to a distinct population within the BDSM community who have experienced issues around mental wellness or past trauma, as the two are not directly correlated. Also, it is now being discussed that those who take part in BDSM have scored higher than those who do not partake in BDSM in several positive psychological characteristics, including subjective well-being. It was also found that people engaging in BDSM in one study felt a deep intimate connection to their partner and a stronger sense of self-empowerment and authenticity after the event.
So, all in all, while we might have some preconceived notions of what may make someone want to engage in BDSM or what past a person who engages in BDSM has, the truth is anyone can enjoy BDSM in a safe and healthy way. If you’re someone who might be interested in exploring BDSM remember the importance of open communication and consistent consent, and enjoy!
Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15
Photos: Her Campus Media Library