Ah, childhood. It was a simpler time, but it certainly wasn’t a more truthful time! Removed from youth, it is easy to see that not everything we knew and were told was exactly correct, however creative it may have been. Below are some examples of the inconsistencies that many children believe at one point or another.
1. Mice love cheese
Every childhood book featuring a mouse eating a giant piece of cheese: you lie! According to Earthkind, mice will “pretty much eat anything that has minor nutritional value,” but they tend to prefer sweets. Which begs the question to be asked: Who exactly came up with the concept that cheese was a mouses’ best friend? And why are there so many books about mice?
2. “Ring around the Rosy” is an innocent song
According to many sources, including this one, the history of the childhood ditty dates back to the great plagues that devastated the European continent. “A pocket full of posies” supposedly referenced the superstition that one way to fend off the plague was to stuff your pockets with the common flower. So yeah. Good luck looking at the song in the same way the next time you’re babysitting.
3. Humans swallow 8 spiders per year in their sleep
Fear not! The odds of swallowing even one spider in the span of your entire life are virtually zero. You’re in the clear. Anyways, what’s one measly spider when the chances of you having a mouse problem during your time here at AU are inevitable? Our minds can only handle one animal infestation at a time.
4. Cursive is relevant.
Have you ever been forced into a life or death situation in which the decision comes down to whether or not you can write in cursive? Have you ever judged a significant other on the basis of whether they know how to write their name in cursive? You may not find that your life has been ruined by knowing how to write in cursive, but the chances are that you haven’t benefited much from knowing it either. Was all that time in second and third grade spent filling out those worksheets worth it?
5. If you keep making that face, it will get stuck
Ah, this was a classic. It is also, however, a lie. I have yet to encounter an individual that has been faced (no pun intended) with this problem. Fun fact: there is a book that exists with pretty much the same name.
6. There are tiny people living inside stoplights that control them
Whenever the light changes, it is because the tiny people pull a lever. It’s not an easy job. They work 24-hour shifts, and I hear the benefits are scarce. Maybe they know The Borrowers?
7. Every song on the radio is played live
Which is why Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift are totally exhausted all the time. They’re constantly performing their songs for your local radio station. Nobody said being a multi-million dollar pop sensation was easy.
8. Before color TV existed, the world itself was in black and white
As a child, I remember feeling relieved that I was born when I was. How boring must it have been to live in a black and white world! No colorful flowers or changing leaves. Ask your grandparents about it.
9. Teachers live at school
Don’t try to convince me that my teacher actually had a life outside of the classroom. You mean to say that teachers are people too, with feelings and families? That can’t be right.
10. Gas costs a couple of dollars each time you go
When the sign says that gas costs $2.99, that’s how much you pay to fill up your tank. It may sound crazy, but at one point it was true, right? Those were the good old days. Now it’s impossible to escape the gas station without spending half your paycheck.