5 Ways to Abuse Starbucks Delivery

Later this year, Starbucks will be launching a food and beverage delivery service through their mobile app. Their vision is clear: providing their customers with overpriced coffee with as little effort as possible on your end. Makes sense. “That’s our version of e-commerce on steroids,” CEO Howard Schultz says. He might be thinking of “increasing upward revenue streaming” but all I can picture is all the ways I could use the delivery to my advantage:


Option 1. DUMP YOUR BF/GF via a Java Chip Frappuccino

Grande, extra whip and plenty of chocolate sauce dribbled in. Don’t hold back. He or she will probably need all the fat. Avoid the awkwardness of an actual face-to-face break up, but console your significant other with a delicious drink. Boom, done. 


Option 2. RAISE YOUR GRADES by sending professors the their favorite Starbucks drink.


You may think it might be creepy at first, but Professors love it when you get personal with them. Just spy on their drinking habits from behind your laptop. Before you know it you’ll have that C to a solid A-. Thank you Starbucks for subsidizing my lack of time management skills. 


Option 3. SEND YOURSELF AN SECRET ADMIRER DRINK with a heart drawn on the side. 

That’s way less sad then sending yourself roses, right? No one would guess your secret admirer is actually yourself. Now you get a Caramel Macchiato and get jealous looks from friends. Wow a two-in-one!


Option 4. WIN THE BEST INTERN award by ordering coffee for everyone and having it sent to the office before they even get there. 

Actually, you could do that now but I mean ordering through the app and getting it delivered is way easier!


Option 5. GET VENGEANCE on your worst enemy.

You send them a Pumpkin Spice Latte but suprise them inside by only including black decaf coffee. Just imagine the look of horror on their face as they realize their mistake. 

Feeling inspired? Yeah me too. The possibilities are endless. On a more serious note, I think we can all agree that having a frappuccino delivered right to your doorstep might be the greatest thing ever after Beyonce and the fact that Lady Gaga is going to be on the next season of AHS. Upon hearing the news an American University Sophomore Sarah Graham asked "how has this not been a thing yet?” However, employees might not be so thrilled about it. The service seems to be fraught with potential complications like how they will keep the drink temperatures correct. Employees at Chipotle have had issues with the mobile ordering because when they get a mobile order they have to drop whatever they are doing to fill the order. This issue leads to long lines, unhappy customers and frustrated employees.


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