As countless feminist movements thrive all over the world, and especially on college campuses, these
questions we ask ourselves about gender norms continuously come up and open our minds to different point of
views that we didn’t even know existed. It wasn’t until our annual SlutWalk in April that I found out that I’m very
comfortable with my sexuality and very open with what that means to me, which goes for a lot of other women on
campus. Still, when it comes to dissecting and confronting gender norms, especially regarding (but not exclusive
to) heterosexual relationships (a relationship between a male identified person and a female identified person),
we’re stuck questioning and breaking boundaries that might make us uncomfortable. So I ask you: as a woman,
would you feel confident enough to propose to your significant other, whether it be a man, woman, intersex,
other, etc.?
Statistically, couples begin considering marriage around our age range (undergraduate/graduate age
range), so it’s important to know where you stand on this. YouTube group The Grapevine (please go check them
out because they will change your life for real) answers this question beautifully so let me highlight some of their
main points:
1. Gender roles in a patriarchal society: In heterosexual relationships, there is a power dynamic between a
man and a woman because of social conditioning (a fancy term for how our environment brainwashes you
to believe concepts decided by people in power). Assuming that a man always has to propose in a
romantic union can also assume that a woman is just “waiting to be picked.” Before answering the
question of whether or not you would propose, you should probably know where you stand on gender
roles.
2. Your relationship, your choice: At the end of the day, it depends on personal preference and what the
proposal itself means to you. Some couples of different sexual orientations prefer “the decolonized and
progressive” ideas and identify with the answer that yes, women can and should propose to their
significant other, which in turn gives them power. Still, you can also believe in the idea of waiting to be
proposed to and the power comes with being able to answer yes or no. You can even not believe in the
institution of marriage because the question itself of whether or not a woman should propose assumes
that every woman needs and wants to be married.
The most important point to consider, especially being on a campus with an almost even male to female ratio
(disregard the gender binary presented here), is that feminism doesn’t need to assume one type of power, which is
being as strong as men. To be a strong feminist, you don’t need to do what men do. You don’t need to adopt
masculinity or even conform to femininity. What’s most important is engaging in these conversations on campus
with peers, with yourself, and especially with your significant other to better understand your own beliefs.