Trigger warning: This article contains language about domestic violence and sexual assault and may not be suitable for all readers.
This week marks the first week of Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I think that calls for a conversation on the expansive nature of sexual assault and how this interacts with what we see in media.
As defined by the UA Women and Gender Resource Center, sexual assault is “Any sexual contact or sexual attention committed by force, threats, bribes, manipulation, pressure, tricks or violence. It includes rape and attempted rape, child molestation, incest and sexual harassment.” Now, for some of you, that definition may have caught you off guard. What many of us are used to is how each US state defines sexual assault by law– but many of us can agree that the law doesn’t always accurately reflect human experience. So, understanding this comprehensive definition is the best place to start so we can discuss understanding this issue.
Many of us–especially those who spend a lot of time on the internet– look to celebrities to see how life is supposed to be. Even if this understanding is subconscious, it’s impossible to not absorb the relationships we are constantly seeing in the news. It’s no secret that there are some toxic celebrity relationships out there, but we shouldn’t just brush them off. We can protect ourselves and our friends by taking the time to learn from what we’re shown in the media. So here are some lessons we can learn from celebrity relationships.
1. Unhealthy attachments get messy.
As much as I try, I can’t seem to avoid reading about the relationship of Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly. Not only are their appearances cringey, they’re concerning. Their portrayal of their relationship as passionate and destructive is immediately unhealthy. The fast pace of the relationship is worrisome. The ring that MGK proposed with has a band of thorns that are meant to hurt Megan when she tries to remove it. And to top it off, neither of them are hardly ever seen with their children. It’s obvious that this attachment is extremely unhealthy when we look from the outside, and I speculate how that is affecting their relationships with other important people in their lives.
The lesson I hope we take from this is to watch our own attachments. When you’re in the moment, something fiery like what MGK and Megan have may seem romantic but watching from the outside reveals just how toxic it really is.
2. This behavior can’t be taken lightly.
One of the most notorious examples of public relationship abuse is what occurred between Rihanna and Chris Brown. We saw the media victim-blame, belittle, or even romanticize this serious abuse. This incident tested our perceptions of abuse and uncovered all the toxicity of how abuse is handled in the public eye. In a 2009 interview with Diane Sawyer, Rihanna said, “When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result into some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that part. I couldn’t be responsible.”
Rihanna’s honesty is admirable and courageous. She said it better than I ever could. This abuse cannot be ignored or dismissed. Having honest, open conversations is interpersonal violence prevention in itself.
3. Never ignore a red flag.
We all remember Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson. They got engaged shortly after they started dating and broke up before any of us really got the chance to process what just happened. Moving really quickly is a huge red flag that is so romanticized. The dream in so many rom coms is meeting someone, immediately falling in love and running away together. But that’s not real life. Moving too fast is a classic manipulation tactic and even if that’s not the case, it often ends badly with an unfair relationship dynamic.
After watching this relationship come and go, my main takeaway was not to write off red flags. We were all very quick to say that they moved so fast simply because they were just that in love, but the red flag won in the end. When it happens to each of us, it’s even more difficult to heed red flags. We love to make excuses. But these excuses don’t change the harsh reality. So as our favorite pop stars learn, we can learn with them.
4. Love can be beautiful, even in the public eye.
Based on my previous writing, you might pin me as a cynic. I wouldn’t blame you. But just between you and me, I’m kind of a romantic (occasionally). Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively make me melt. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s family Halloween costumes every year make me believe in love. And don’t get me started on Tom Holland and Zendaya. Healthy relationships are really beautiful and completely achievable for everyone–celebrity or not. Everyone is worthy of this.
5. It’s impossible to understand what someone is going through.
Looking from the outside, it is so easy to judge someone’s dating choices. I mean, even with our friends, we often find ourselves looking at a couple and wondering what they were thinking. But we’ll never truly know what they were thinking. Each person’s experiences with dating are unique and looking at each other with judgment won’t help anyone involved. It may be impossible to understand, but it’s possible to have compassion, and take lessons from it. So, next time you look at a celebrity relationship and say, ‘what the f*ck’, just know that there is a whole story that you can’t see. So rather than brushing them off, take the time to learn from them.
The key takeaway I want for everyone during Sexual Assault Awareness Month is in the name– be aware. Be aware of red flags. Be aware of resources. Be aware of how your friends are doing.
Both the WGRC and the SAFE Center provide compassionate care to survivors and are a helping hand in healing. We also have the Title IX office. This can be triggering because of invasive questioning but is a legal resource that can help survivors get restraining orders, switch up their class schedules, and is the path to go through if a survivor wants to potentially open an investigation on sexual misconduct. The WGRC advocates can help survivors use this resource, so it can be helpful to call the WGRC first.
UA Resources:
WGRC phone number: Call (205) 348-5040 from 8am-5pm whenever the University is open.
You can also call UAPD at (205) 348-5454 and ask to speak to a WGRC victim advocate who is on call 24/7, even on weekends and holidays.
SAFE Center phone number: (205) 860-7233
Other Resources:
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Chat live: www.thehotline.org