The beginning of 2020 was pretty great. I was in a new relationship, classes were awesome, and I was searching for internships. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, we all got sent home.
For almost half a year.
Suddenly, my partner and I found ourselves in a long-distance relationship, with her and I over 500 miles apart after spending the last month a 5-minute drive from each other.
But now, in November 2021, I’m happy to say that we made it; through the stress and physical distance, we beat the COVID relationship curse. While COVID isn’t forcing people apart anymore (fingers crossed), the ways we stayed strong can help any relationship, no matter the distance. Here’s a list of five things that made our relationship last.
- Immediately set communication norms
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Everyone communicates differently and that’s okay! But in a digital age, it’s so easy for messages to be missed, tones to be misread, and words to not mean as much. Therefore, it becomes really important to lay out your communication style well in advance so that your partner can know what you prefer and vice versa. For example, I hate texting and would much rather FaceTime. My partner knows this, so we FaceTime and send audio messages. Likewise, I know that my partner enjoys when I let her know if I’m unavailable to respond so she doesn’t think I’m avoiding her. Getting these needs out in the open can help avoid future conflict and makes communication so much easier.
- develop routines, no matter the distance
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While apart, my partner and I were still able to develop routines that made us feel more in sync. This habit of building routines has stayed with us since. These routines can be simple, or you can build out full social schedules for the two of you. Regardless, having a little routine with your partner can make you feel more like a unit. My partner and I liked to FaceTime and watch a movie together over quarantine. Now, we have a routine of watching an episode of our favorite show every other night. It’s something to look forward to and dedicated time for you to spend with the other person.
- Be honest
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This seems like a no-brainer, but when I say be honest, I mean be honest. Transparency and openness are crucial, especially for long distance relationships. Otherwise, someone usually ends up getting their feelings hurt. I am very honest with my partner about my social battery; sometimes, I just need to put my phone down for a few hours. By being open with her about this during COVID, she was never worried that I was ghosting her or mad at her. Now, we have a totally honest relationship—well, except for when we both “don’t care” what’s for dinner.
- spend time apart
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Spending time apart, no matter what anyone tells you, is healthy. Sure, for long distance couples this seems like a cruel joke, but no matter the distance, spending time away either physically or digitally is crucial for relationship success. If you’re long distance, try mutually putting your phones away for half or even a full day. Then when you chat, you’ll be able to catch them up on your day, what you did, etc. You never want to run out of things to talk about with your SO, and that happens when you spend every waking minute together. For my partner and I, we like to take Sundays as personal days. Usually, we will both go off of our phones and do work or rest separately. Then, on Monday, we get to talk about how relaxing our weekends were.
- Take time for the little things
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The most important part of being in a relationship is appreciating the things your partner does for you. Whether that involves setting up a movie night, making you dinner, or even just sending you a funny TikTok, having fun in your relationship is the ultimate key to its success. Sometimes this fun and appreciation seems tough—being stuck in the middle of a pandemic and trapped inside your childhood home isn’t the best recipe for gratitude. But taking time to say thank-you and acknowledging what your partner has done for you can truly change the way you see each other.
Getting through a pandemic definitely wasn’t easy, but it definitely is possible. The most important thing to always remember is that at the end of the day, relationships are supposed to be easy. Stress, anger, sadness, regret, guilt—these shouldn’t be commonplace in your day-to-day interactions with your partner. Find the ease, find the fun, and don’t let a pandemic—or any other barriers—get in the way of this new chapter.