I’m not sure how people passed the time before the invention of Netflix and I don’t care to find out. After a long day of staring at my computer screen doing school work and staring at my phone watching Tik Tok, I am always ready to relax and stare at my TV screen watching Netflix. Every now and then when I feel like having weird dreams I’ll kick back with a horror film but most nights I go for a sit-com. Community, New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Office, Modern Family, Brooklyn 99, you name it, I’ve probably seen it (possibly 4-5 times). It wasn’t hard to realize that many of the ridiculous situations the characters find themselves in on these shows are very similar to ones on other shows. Here are 7 things that always seem to happen on sit-comes that never happen in real life.
- Wedding Goes Wrong
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I have been to my fair share of weddings and the worst I have witnessed is a flower girl having a mental breakdown mid-aisle. In TV however weddings seldom go right, some whacky circumstance leads to the demise of the planned wedding and the other characters must scramble to create a new wedding, one that is even more special than the original one. Each character helps in their own unique way, and surprise, one of the characters is ORDAINED and can marry the two. The other characters look on in awe as the two exchange hilarious yet heartfelt vows and we all try not to think about the fact that neither of the newly weds’ families are witnessing this.
- Kid Disappears After Birth
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After suffering through countless episodes riddled with pregnancy jokes and the climatic birthing episode (I’ll get to that one in a minute) we finally meet the enormous baby that was so highly anticipated. Then the baby retires and the characters go on with their lives. Sometimes the child is referenced but ultimately the character’s life is unchanged. That is besides a few postpartum body shaming digs and maybe the parent(s) coming on screen with messy hair and baggy eyes from the child’s lack of sleep.
- Other Characters Deliver A Baby
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Oh no! The pregnant character’s water broke and it’s too late to go to the hospital! There is approximately 5 minutes to decide which of the main characters will deliver the baby. One character offers but catches a peak of the fully dilated cervix and passes out from disgust! Soon after, the impromptu OBGYN proudly holds the clean, silent, 6 month old baby actor who has cut its own umbilical cord. The other characters congratulate the new parents. The new mother sighs of relief as the one droplet of sweat she acquired while giving birth is wiped from her forehead by the child’s father.
- Antagonist Chokes and Characters Give them the Heimlich
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This episode revolves around a problem that could be easily solved if the antagonist stops being such an asshole. When all hope seems lost the villain begins choking animatedly, probably on a hot dog. The character the antagonist has been beefing with saves their life and they have no choice but to stop being such an asshole because even for them it is too assholey to screw over someone who gave them the heimlich while a hot dog was lodged in their esophagus.
- A Character Sees Another Character Naked and it’s a Big Deal
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I mean, it sucks when someone sees you naked by accident but do you think it would make you feel any better to see them naked? Or would it just be incredibly inappropriate and further the discomfort. On TV an eye for an eye can also mean a bare ass for a bare ass and I think we have all just better accept it.
- Character Fight all the Time but are Still Good Friends
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My friends get on my nerves probably the equivalent of a quarter of the times I get on theirs, but as far as fighting goes we really don’t bother. At the end of the day they still have to deal with me so why stress? Tv is a little different, these groups of friends not only fight but have serious issues that could easily destroy a friendship. That 70s Show is a great example of this. They constantly betray each other and fight about it. The ones who date cheat on each other and then they just, keep hanging out. I guess if you smoke enough weed this may be possible but I probably would be downloading Bumble BFF after a couple months in that group
- Bachelor/Bachelorette Party Goes Awry
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This is pretty similar to the wedding but a few things are different. First, someone plans a lame party. Second, someone gets their feelings hurt, probably the best man/maid of honor who planned the lame party. Third, they end up having a spontaneous fun party and the friendship is mended. Cue impromptu stripper.
Don’t get me wrong, I will watch every one of these scenarios play out again and again and be completely amused each time. As long as Tv keeps coming up with characters like Jessica Day, Dwight Shrute, and Leslie Knope, I will keep paying that $5 a month.