I am the kind of girl that is capable of striking up a conversation with anyone, at any time, about anything. Don’t get me wrong… I have had, and will most likely, continue to have my fair share of “foot-in-mouth” or conversation challenged moments. In my formative years, my mother had always been the angel on my shoulder, or the nag in my ear, reminding me that, “It is not all about you, Grace”; or “Please try not to revert every topic of conversation back to yourself, darling, it is unbecoming.” This afforded me the rare opportunity to kindly remind and agree with her that yes, she was correct, it is not and has never been all about me. I am the middle child of six.
We all know, a first impression’s a first impression because you only get one. In this day and age, the world is moving at a faster pace and we are all required to keep up to date or get out of the way. College students, either those entering or those departing, are stepping into an abyss, also known as the real world, where interviews, introductions, and connections are critical to getting anywhere. Pay attention first years, conversation is key to making friends!
I will spare you the time and effort claimed by countless books and articles that my mother handed down to me to primp myself for the real world and will simply pass along my “Ten Commandments of Conversation”.
1. Look whomever you are speaking to in the eyes.
- As awkward as it may feel, this exudes confidence and will also make them respect you and take you seriously.
- This direct attention to them and your discussion will cause whomever to return the favor.
2. Body language is key.
- The way you carry yourself gives off more information than you would think.
- Poor posture, slouching, shifting weight from foot to foot may very well indicate two things: 1. You are lazy and unprofessional. 2. You are bored with this conversation and therefore should not be given the same attention they deserve.
3. Show interest in whomever you are speaking to.
- They could be talking about sports, war, their favorite kind of milk, anything and you should still show attention no matter how disinterested or unaware you are.
- Odds are, you are hoping to gain something from this interaction and by showing interest in what they have to say, others will pay more attention and respect to you.
- Plus, it is just polite!
4. Watch your mouth!
- This goes for cursing and gossiping.
- Cursing comes across as ignorant, rude, and unprofessional. (No matter how hard you stubbed your toe.
- Gossiping portrays you in a bad light with your peers because you appear untrustworthy, sneaky, and as if you have nothing better to do or say.
Just as momma used to say: “You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.”
5. Think before speaking.
- This could save you from some major conversational faux pas such as complaining, gossiping, cursing, using words or information improperly.
- As hard as it may be, try to give yourself a few seconds before you speak so that you can deliver your thoughts gracefully and intelligently. Think Brittany Snow in John Tucker Must Die.
6. Talk about others. (Gossiping does not count!)
- By discussing others, (in a nice, caring, or appropriately concerned way) you may avoid seeming self-centered and conceited.
- Of course it is okay to talk about you sometimes when relevant or asked. However, if you find yourself constantly turning things towards yourself or jumping into conversations while others are mid-thought, take notice! (We all do it sometimes, just be aware!)
7. Remember the three C’s.
- Delivery, well, delivers what you are trying to say and alters how it is received.
- A calm, cool, and collected manner makes you appear to be confident in what you are discussing and makes others certain of you too.
8. BE AWARE!
- There is nothing worse than not knowing what you are talking about (Remember the SNL skit about “the girl you wish you hadn’t started a conversation with at the party”? Don’t be that girl.)
- It is always a good idea to brush up on the news in vast topics, no matter how busy you are, because then you will be more aware of what is going on in the world and be able to carry a conversation with anyone, anywhere.
Being aware of the world not only helps you become more intelligent but also makes you appear more intelligent.
FOR THE GIRL WHO CONTINUES TO INSIST SHE IS TOO BUSY: Check out this handy dandy website, The Skimm . These lovely ladies will email you quick fix news reports to cover major points for the quintessential woman on the go.
9. The Deal-Breaker: Appearance
- Love at first sight, key word is sight. Similar to body language, your appearance gives off further insight to you as a person and your sense of worth to whomever you are speaking to.
- If you take care of your appearance, dress the part, and carry yourself like a lady, you will be treated like a lady.
- Think of your appearance as a personal, walking advertisement. Do not sell yourself short, you deserve nothing but the best!
10. Mind your manners.
- Manners will help seal the deal on a lasting, positive impression. This includes table manners, all conversational manners mentioned above, and simply being polite. (Plus it makes your mother proud.) This also means writing of thank you’s to every employer, interviewer, and person who went above and beyond for you.
- Going the extra mile with your manners only assures your reputation as a well- mannered, young lady!
I know that all these tips and tricks seem like too much to remember but it is merely a reminder of what you know. Nevertheless, the most important rule to remember is to be (the best possible version) you!