I Don’t Need a Man to Teach Me To Love Me

"So, when are you going to get a boyfriend?"



"Sweetie, are you putting yourself out there enough?"



"Hey, there’s a cute guy in my bio class maybe I can set you guys up?"



And that’s just a few of the questions that I get asked.  


In years past society would push people to be together and that if you weren’t with someone by a certain age then it was seen as something wrong with that person. But today that’s a question that some people are still wondering, if I’m not in a relationship is there something wrong with me?






There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you it’s society. It took me time but now at 22 years old and only a couple months shy of graduation I can say without a doubt that there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship.


Growing up I remember wanting to be in a relationship. I’d watch romantic comedies all the time wishing that that would be me. Seeing movies like, Maid in Manhattan, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Wedding Planner, As Good as it Gets, Pretty in Pink, The Proposal, and Six Days, Seven Nights just to name some. All showing different versions and ages of love.



In grammar school I remember seeing some people start dating around the 6th grade with students just sitting closer to one another or going to the pizzeria close to school and sitting in the booth together. In high school it was a little more clearer. People holding hands, guys holding their girlfriends school bags, and girls wearing their boyfriend’s sports jerseys to their game and school spirit Friday. Kissing in the hallway. I remember seeing and wanting to be one of those girls that could just get a guy with effortlessly.



It wasn’t until my second year in college did I see it more and finally experience what it was be in a relationship. He was nice and sweet and kind but the relationship couldn’t stand. It wasn’t right. So I knew I didn’t have a choice but to ended it.



I remember crying for a long time and feeling horrible that something that I had wanted, wished, dreamed to happen and to be in a relationship, to meet someone that I can share my life with, was gone. I thought that there had to be something wrong with me that I couldn’t do something, or should have done something to make it work.


But after some time I started to realize that what I did was a good thing. For me. I didn’t see the relationship could last any longer before it would crash and burn and hurt either one of us more than the initial break up. I remember telling myself, “Well Kait, your 20 years old now, what are you gonna do?” For my 20th birthday present to myself I’m gonna be selfish for once and focus on me and my mental health.



I starting taking out the toxic people in my life. I created a designated, Me Day, where on Saturday of every month or every other Saturday I would sit and watch my favorite shows, eat my favorite foods, wear my favorite pajamas and stay in bed. I took that time to focus on me, what did Kait want, what did she like, what did she want, whether it be my social life, academics or my future career. Slowly I started to change who I was. I started to challenge myself more. When there was a chance at my work to improve myself I wouldn’t shy away. When it was a new challenge in class I’d take it. More and more, day by day I learned more about what I was capable of.



Slowly I was becoming less shy, I was able to smile and laugh with my friends, I was becoming me again, well a better me.



Now I don’t mean to diminish people for being in their relationship, I still do believe in love and would like to be in a relationship, one day. But right now, I still enjoy being single.



I like that I can make decisions for myself and not have to incorporate another person. I can spend the holidays solely with my parents. I can see my friends during my entire free time with them and not have to split my time with them or with him. It’s one less person to buy presents for on holidays or birthdays. More importantly I get to focus on me and that’s the best present anyone can ever get.