Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
I’ve been seeing a guy for the last several weeks now, and I’m entering the “where is this going?” stage. He’s taken me out on dates, asked me to hang out with his friends regularly, and texts and calls me frequently. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to develop actual feelings for him, but because we haven’t discussed what we are yet, I’m not sure if I should let myself like this guy. The guy I was seeing last spring ran for the hills when I asked him to define the relationship, so I’m a little apprehensive about asking “new guy” the same thing. Is there any way I can know what his intentions are without freaking him out with a DTR? Is six weeks too soon to ask him to give me some kind of commitment? – Trying to Prevent Past Mistakes at Tulane
All that’s missing is the label. You want to ask him out, but you don’t want to freak him out right? Well I don’t know who that last guy was, but he was kind of a jerk. The “defining the relationship” talk does exactly that: it defines the relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re getting married, it doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship. The talk is the one place where you’re able to explicitly state your intentions without looking like a total jerk.
First of all, there is no specific timetable for asking for commitment because it all depends on the couple. However, if I had to say, six weeks sounds like a fine point to have the talk, so long as you hang out regularly. But remember this, “the talk” doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal thing. In fact, in my last relationship, I brought it up matter of factly:
Me: “So I told [insert random name here] about that time when you [insert something they did here] and they said you were a total [insert corny insult here].”
Lady In Question: “What? So what did you say?”
Me: “Well, I obviously stepped in to defend my girlfriend… blah blah blah.”
Lady in Question (huge smile on her face): “So… does that mean you’re my boyfriend?”
Me (smile on my face): “Well, yeah, right?”
[The rest had been omitted for appropriate-ness]
Smooth, right? Now, let me step out of my shining armor for the rest of this response.
You don’t have to sit him down to ask him what you guys are. Accordingly, don’t be afraid to play with the conversation. If you don’t want to flat out ask him, remember that you’re allowed to make something up too. Tell him there’s an awesome Groupon for a “crazy couple’s night out” and you want to know if he’s interested. Play with him and say, “Well I’d wanna go, but that would mean that you’re my boyfriend.” See how he reacts. If he’s into it, it’s safe to say he’s open to defining the relationship. If he dodges it, wait a little bit longer before having the big talk.
Defining the relationship shouldn’t be hard. That one guy who ran off when you asked has no spine, so forget about him. If this new guy is cool, he’ll hear you out at least and give you feedback. As you can see above, if you do it right, it doesn’t even have to be a formal, worrisome conversation.
Photo Credit:
Couple on Couch