Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
My boyfriend dumped me two weeks ago because he has a lot going on in his life. We were both stressed, and I tried to put off dealing with it because I knew we would break up if we did. The thing is, I feel it was a mistake. I have heard from mutual friends that he feels very confused and upset about what happened. When is too soon to try again? Should I try again, or is ‘he’s your ex for a reason’ a phrase I should live by? –Stressed Out at Stanford
I’m confused as to why he’s confused. If I’m reading this right, both of you were stressed, he dumped you and now he’s upset with the decision? That makes no sense, since he’s the one who did the breaking up.
This scenario is tricky because of the context: you were under large amounts of pressure from various items in your life, which makes your ex’s decision seem like a woefully under-analyzed decision. However, I’ll have to agree with that “he’s your ex for a reason” phrase because, well, his actions had to have made some sense to him if he acted upon them.
To set up a hypothetical, I’ll make myself a boyfriend and create some placebo girlfriend named Rachel. I’ll also add the same stress of your relationship to my wholly imagined one.
Here’s what I would’ve done (and what one, if not both, of you should have done): talk. I always have felt that if you like someone, especially if you’re in a committed relationship with him/her, you can always make time to talk—even if that’s as simple as a phone conversation.
Despite my stress levels from work, school, etc. I would’ve found comfort in whatever time imaginary Rachel and I could make for one another. She’d be my escape from whatever was going on in my life, and the best distraction from what was worrying me (because, let’s be honest, my Cleveland sports teams and Ohio State football squad have been horribly inefficient distractions this year).
It makes no sense that he would break up with you if he felt similarly. If he truly were in it for the long run, he would’ve made whatever concessions necessary to keep you in his life. Breaking up is the absolute last choice to make, and that’s typically because at least one party doesn’t see your relationship lasting.
Now, you two could get back together, but ask yourself: what’s to prevent him from making the same decision in the future if stressful situations present themselves again? That’s not very reassuring. I’d definitely consider him an ex for a reason.