Whether it’s about your curfew or your new boyfriend, everyone gets in disagreements with their parents once in a while. As the college decision deadline (May 1st) creeps closer, you have something new to bicker about with your parents: where you’re going to college. Sure, the whole process is stressful and you may toy with the idea of putting yourself up for adoption, but don’t fill out the paperwork just yet. Your parents have their own hopes and dreams for you, too. While we can’t guarantee that you’ll win every battle of this pre-collegiette war, we can give you some insight into understanding and negotiating with your parents.
The Situation: For the Love of Money
Face it, college comes with a huge price tag. If the tuition isn’t enough to make your jaw drop, try factoring in the cost of textbooks, transportation, and stuff for your dorm. No wonder your parents might be wary about the price of college! But what if your dream school costs a pretty penny? Relax, ladies: here are some ways to stay calm, classy, and have your parents understand how you feel about the school.
DO Be Objective:
We know how hard it is to stay unbiased about something as big as college; however, you need to give other schools a chance. Claire Burns, a sophomore at Tulane University, was originally planning to go to SUNY Geneseo, which is less expensive. “Even though Geneseo and Tulane are about the same size and the same academically, I loved the atmosphere at Tulane and New Orleans,” says Claire. “I knew it was where I wanted to be for the next four years.” Instead of starting a fight with her parents, Claire agreed to look at Geneseo one more time. “I tried to like Geneseo better because it made more sense, but in the end I knew that I’d always regret it if I decided to go there because it was the easier choice, financially,” says Claire. Being objective, like Claire was, can really pay off! “The fact that I was trying so hard to be objective and admitted that Geneseo was a more practical option, but still had my heart set on Tulane, was what made my parents agree to let me go to Tulane,” says Claire. “They just wanted me to be happy and I’m happier at college than I ever could’ve imagined.”
DO Your Research:
Although college is undeniably pricey, there are some ways to help combat the cost. Examples? Most schools have work-study programs, which is when you have a part-time job at your school to help pay for your tuition. If you’re interested in a school that’s a little more expensive than your parents want, work-study is definitely something to look into. Let’s not forget all of the national and local scholarships you can still apply for! If there’s a will, pre-collegiettes, there’s a way!
DO Suggest Chipping In:
It’s time to (wo)man-up and offer to help pay for college. While your parents may reject that idea, showing them that you’re that committed to the college is a great indicator. But what happens if they really ask you to pay the piper? If you really love the school, you shouldn’t mind helping out however you can. Whether you’ve been working after school or saved money from your Bat Mitzvah or Sweet Sixteen, you can offer to chip in with the money you already have. But beware, pre-collegiettes – this negotiation tactic might leave you buried in student loans for years. Before you agree to this situation, do your research and figure out what long-term financial consequences you could be setting yourself up for. Another way to help your parents financially is to get a summer job and pay for some of your textbooks or dorm supplies.
DON’T Spread Yourself Too Thin:
Since you’re an amazing daughter, you want to help your parents any way you can. So that means getting two part-time jobs and picking up some freelance work on the side, right? Wrong! While it’s important to give your parents a hand, you also need to experience college. “Don’t make any promises that you won’t be able to keep,” says Brooke Hofer a sophomore at the University of Missouri and HC Contributing Writer. “Make sure that when you are trying to compromise, it’s realistic for both you and your parents.” Before you go to college, try making a plan with your family so everyone will be on the same page.
DO Think Rationally:
Remember when you convinced your parents to get you a new phone and then ended up hating it three months later? Just me? Well, you get the picture, right? Sometimes, our parents think that we’re a little… fleeting when it comes to our decisions. They’re right: sometimes, we are! If you’re truly into the school, you can rationally talk about why you want to go there. “When I was in high school, I wrote my parents a long letter detailing why I wanted to go to Bucknell, which is the sixth most expensive school in the nation,” says Jenni Whalen, a senior at Bucknell University and HC Editorial Intern. “They were impressed that I took the time to write out my thoughts in an intelligent and coherent way.” Now that we’re adults (or almost), it’s time to act like adults! Being able to eloquently state how you feel goes a long, long way.
DON’T Forget to Say “Thank You”:
Before you start literally jumping for joy, don’t forget to thank your parents. Your parents do so much for you, it’s easy to forget how much they’re paying for school. “It’s important to act grateful,” says Jenni. “In my situation, I was asking my parents to allow me to go to a really expensive school, so it was important that I acknowledge the costs and the fact that they would be paying for me.” After all, your parents did teach you the power of manners!
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The Situation: An Overnight at a College
Itching to check out the big, bad world of college? We don’t blame you! But your parents might not be crazy about you sleeping over and partying the night away with people they don’t know. So how can you explain this to your parents? We have you covered.
DO Emphasize the Learning Experience:
Let’s be honest, there’s only so much that you can learn on a campus tour. To make your parents understand how crucial an overnight visit is, focus on how a visit will show you what the school is really like. “I told them that it would help me to get a better feel for the school by going through what would be a normal day, besides the classes,” says Amanda Vasconcelos, a pre-collegiette who recently spent a night at Boston University. “I got to experience having roommates, dining hall options, and the kind of people that go to BU, which is really important when choosing a college.” Your parents just want you to make an informed decision and that’s what an overnight stay can provide!
DO Spend the Night with Someone They Trust, Too
A lot of prospective students do overnights with random alumni from your high school. While you guys can bond over that crazy lunch lady from your cafeteria, your parents might not be that comfortable having you stay in a stranger’s dorm. Instead, try finding close friends or family that you can stay with. If that doesn’t work, some colleges have overnight programs. Since the school chooses people who would make good overnight hosts, your parents will know that you’re in the right hands.
DON’T Focus on the Frat Parties
Even the coolest parents don’t want to hear about the ABC (Anything But Clothes) party you’ll attend during your overnight stay. Not only is that super awkward to discuss, but you don’t want your parents to freak out about your visit. Parents worry enough when you’re going to parties as a collegiette –think how freaked out they’ll be when you don’t know many people. You might go to a real life college party during your overnight, but don’t let your parents think that’s the only reason you’re sleeping over (and it shouldn’t be). Just because you’re staying overnight at a college, don’t assume you’re going to be painting the campus red. Believe it or not, sometimes collegiettes like to stay in and have a Ryan Gosling movie marathon with their girlfriends. Instead of focusing on which frat has the best jungle juice, tell your parents all of the fun, school-appropriate activities you’ll be attending, like going to a baseball game.
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The Situation: Going the Distance
While some collegiettes go to schools that are close to home, others crave a change in scenery. But what are you supposed to do if your parents don’t want you that far from home?
DO Take a Trip with Your Family (If Possible)
Remember how Mila Kunis tried to sell Justin Timberlake on New York City in Friends with Benefits? One way to help convince your parents on the big move is selling them on the location. When Stephanie Mulvey, a senior at the American InterContinental University in London wanted to move to the other side of the pond, she and her mom went on a European holiday. “If you’re fortunate enough, visit the school with your parents, let them see how you interact with the surroundings,” says Stephanie. “Let them fall in love with the school as much as you do.” Plus, who doesn’t love a nice family vacation?
DO Show Your True Intentions
While making a big move sounds like an adrenaline rush, you have to show your parents that you’re interested in the school for other reasons. “I wanted to try something different and broaden my horizons,” says Hannah Franke, a sophomore at Boston University who made the big move from Tacoma, Washington to Boston. “I liked how BU isn’t an ordinary campus and they have a great dual degree program.” To show them how passionate you are about the school, do your research! And we don’t mean researching the best restaurants in town! It’s important to also learn everything about your dream school. After all, the location isn’t everything.
DON’T Think It’ll Be a Cake Walk
Studying in a new place sounds so glamorous, right? Yes, but your parents probably want you to understand how difficult keeping in contact with friends and family members will be if you’re time zones away from each other. “It’s always hard to be away from my family and friends,” says Stephanie. “It’s important though if you’re going to go abroad to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons: because you love the school and the program that you’re intending to study.” To help them understand how badly you want to go to your desired school, try thinking up a schedule to keep you communicating and connected with your loved ones at home. If they notice that you’re putting in the effort and understand how difficult the big move can be, your parents will see how dedicated you are to this school.
DON’T Blame Your Move on the Parents
Sure, your parents can be annoying: when you’re a hormonal teen, whose aren’t? As much as you may want to get away from your parents and experience your first streak of independence, don’t make that a primary reason for moving across the country. “You want them to be happy as well, because they’re probably paying for your education,” says Hannah. Trust us, you’ll be missing your mom’s home cooked meals and your dad’s cheesy jokes once you’re a collegiette.
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The Situation: A School With a Reputation
Sometimes, college seems to be synonymous with crazy parties and lifelong memories. Certain schools are more infamous for their party reputation than others. So what are you supposed to do when your parents are a little hesitant about letting you go to a school with such a reputation?
DO Keep it Positive
While your parents want the next four years to be memorable, they don’t want to think that you’ll spend every night hitting up your favorite frat. They’re right: the school’s programs and other opportunities should come first. “Showing them all the positive aspects of the school and how passionate you are about it will show them how much it means to you and detract from any negative thoughts they have about it,” says Kayla Riley, a senior at University of Maine and HC Contributing Writer. The more great things they hear, the more they’ll forget about the school’s unofficial extracurriculars.
DON’T Hide Anything From Your Parents
Sure, you want to show your parents all of the positives; however, you don’t want to lie to them. If you haven’t realized yet, parents have a way of finding out the truth. “Don’t avoid the things about college that your parents are worried about,” says Jessica Salerno, a junior at Ohio University and HC Contributing Writer. “Address their concerns and how you’ll handle them.” When Jessica told her parents that she wanted to go to Ohio University, they were a little wary about the school’s party reputation. Instead of pretending her school didn’t have a social scene, Jessica took their concerns head-on. “I just made it clear to them that I wanted to experience all that OU had to offer, but my schoolwork was always going to be remain a top priority,” says Jessica. Your parents will really appreciate your honesty and might be persuaded into letting you go there.
We know how rough the college decision process is, and your parents’ strong opinions don’t make it any easier. However, they do want what’s best for you. Even if you feel like they’re being irrational and crazy, they do want you to be happy. So what happens if they still say no after you’ve followed our dos and don’ts? Don’t get angry; they’re your parents and their issues with the school may be deeper than you think. “Screaming irrationally, which is easy to do when you’re upset that they won’t agree with you, and tuning out your parents’ insight actually makes things worse,” says Jenni. Instead, continue to talk to them and see if you can reach a mutual decision.