6 Times Amelia's Tumor Removal on 'Grey's Anatomy' Destroyed Me

In October 12’s episode of Grey's Anatomy, titled "Ain’t That a Kick in the Head," Amelia finally had her tumor removed (even though it’s really only been three episodes), and everything about it broke my heart. These six moments in particular destroyed me.

When she basically verbalized her will

While all of her friends were gathered with her pre-surgery, Amelia went around the room with tasks, demanding DeLuca ensure she start moving right away if she lived, asking Meredith to call her mother if she died, giving Maggie her room, telling Owen not to visit her if she was a vegetable and giving her power of attorney to April to ensure the plug got pulled if it came to that. She ended by saying, “I don’t know what’s me and what’s the tumor talking, but in this moment, I love you people tremendously.” Please don't say goodbye!

When it looked like it could really be over

There were immediate flashbacks to Derek when Amelia first woke up. She tried to respond to her doctors and friends only to realize that she was only responding in her head, unable to speak, and I couldn’t help but think we might lose our last Shepherd. I mean, was anyone else waiting for the “It’s too late. You’re too late”? Because I was definitely waiting for it. 

When she begged to stay in bed, but they couldn’t hear her

Luckily we didn't lose Amelia, but it was just as painful watching DeLuca keep his promise to get her up and moving with early ambulation and have her scream inside her head to stop. Please, please let her go, DeLuca!

When she refused painkillers to maintain her sobriety

As a recovering addict, Amelia adamantly refused opioids, despite the intense pain she was in. Dr. Webber reminded her that AA did not condemn drugs for pain release if patients were following doctors’ orders, and that she wouldn’t heal as quickly in so much pain. “Opioids were my drug of choice. What if they told you you could have just a drink or two if the doctor said it was okay?” she thought. Of all the irrational decisions attributed to the tumor, luckily she was able to maintain rational thought through the pain. 

When she forgot Derek was dead

When she finally started speaking (in English), Meredith and Owen wanted to call her surgeon, but Amelia said they should call for Derek instead. Let me tell you how far my heart dropped. She went on to say that she knew he was dead but had forgotten—that all of her thoughts were like a jigsaw puzzle that didn’t make sense until they told her, sending her into a panic attack at the thought that she might not be able to do surgery anymore.

When she was convinced something was wrong

Luckily we didn't get any cliffhangers when it came to Amelia's recovery. After answering her standard evaluation questions (like, "Do you know who the president is?" "I wish I didn't." #bless), she was cleared to go home. She was convinced she shouldn't, though, demanding to see her scans and ordering additional tests to figure out what they were missing. DeLuca finally got her to stop when he assured her that there was, in fact, something she was missing: her tumor, and with it, the danger. 

Unfortunately we didn't find out how Amelia would handle all of these so-called rash decisions with a clearer head. I suppose it's too much to ask for it to go smoothly for once?