If you’ve been on TikTok anytime in the past month or so (let’s be real — who hasn’t?), then you’ve probably come across at least one video while scrolling through your For You Page (FYP) showcasing the “That Girl” TikTok Trend. Just in case you haven’t, let me paint you a picture: “That Girl” is the one who wakes up at 5:30am and immediately puts on a matching workout set to do a sunrise yoga session before making an aesthetically pleasing breakfast (which usually involves avocado toast, a green smoothie, or an Instagram-worthy acai bowl). After making an oat milk latte, she sits down to journal and set her intentions and goals for the week. She might go for a walk outside to connect with nature before sitting down at her perfectly organized dual-monitor desk setup, where she’ll work hard before taking a break to make a handcrafted salad for lunch, which she eats while reading the latest novel she picked up from the library.
I could continue, but surely you get the picture by now.
Honestly, this sounds like the dream, right? Who wouldn’t want to be “That Girl”? It makes sense that this type of lifestyle has become an aspiration for so many. TikTok users have posted video clips of themselves showing their daily routines and telling viewers, “This is your sign to become ‘That Girl’”: the one who has her life so perfectly put together. Sure, it might be tough waking up to an extra early alarm the first few days, but the underlying message of these videos is that if you’re motivated enough, you too can live the picture-perfect lifestyle that will bring ultimate happiness.
But could there be an ugly side to these visions of beauty and motivational captions? As the trend continues to gain popularity, it’s also gained significant media coverage in the past few weeks. Refinery29 and InTheKnow.com recently published thought pieces explaining the trend, and explored the potentially dark side of this Pinterest-perfect looking content. As reported by Refinery29, critics of the “That Girl” trend feel that it promotes disordered eating, “toxic productivity” (the pressure to be productive at all times, even at the expense of your own mental and physical health) and feelings of guilt and anxiety when viewers can’t live up to the expectations of the lifestyle. And as these videos continue to gain popularity, you don’t have to look hard to find these critics.
Scrolling through the comments of several videos show a pretty even split between those who appeared to be inspired and motivated, and those who questioned the point of putting so much pressure on creating an aesthetically pleasing routine. Comments like, “Okay yes needed this, good manifestations” and “I love this video!” praise one creator and her routine, while others feel pressurized. User @bellacatarinaa wrote, “no actually because my desire to be one of those girls triggers my ocd to extreme perfectionism and causes me to hate the way I actually am,” which had 933 likes at the time of writing. Clearly, there’s a strong divide between those who feel inspired by this type of content and those who feel criticized or pressured by it.
Given the hype around the trend, and how much controversy that it’s created, I decided to try out being “That Girl” for a week to see how it affected my routine.
My Week as “That Girl”
One of the key parts of the “That Girl” trend is an early wake-up time. While I’ve seen morning routines starting as early as 5am, I decided that 6:30am was a more reasonable time for me (and still a big adjustment from my typical work from home morning routine). As soon as my alarm went off, I realized that this was probably going to be the most difficult part of the challenge for me. I’m not alone, either – many of the more critical comments on “That Girl” videos that I’ve seen were about how viewers didn’t think it was realistic to wake up so much earlier than they needed to, especially when so many women in their 20s struggle to get enough sleep as it is.
That being said, once I was actually out of bed, I definitely did feel a burst of inspiration from having so much extra time to myself before having to start work. While I usually roll out of bed and go straight to my laptop, I was able to do some light yoga, take a longer shower, and cook a full breakfast before going to my favorite coffee shop to get ahead on some schoolwork. Overall, taking the time to do things for my body like stretching and eating a proper breakfast – which I normally would skip before diving straight into work – felt great both physically and mentally.
Throughout the rest of the week I tried to keep a similar routine, although my motivation started to decrease in the following days and I ended up getting out of bed a little bit later each morning. Similarly, my “light yoga” turned more into “gentle stretching,” which made me feel like I wasn’t quite keeping up my prior expectations of the routine. While most of the “That Girl” videos I’ve seen on TikTok focus heavily on morning routines, I also worked on improving my nighttime routine and sleep hygiene by putting my phone across the room from my bed, and reading instead of scrolling through social media before sleep.
While I generally was able to modify the “That Girl” practices to fit my own lifestyle and schedule, I couldn’t help but worry in the back of my mind about how aesthetically pleasing my day would’ve appeared to others if I made a video about it. Sure, I was waking up early and incorporating some healthier habits, but was I truly living up to the perfect “That Girl” standards?
In fact, I didn’t document my new routine on social media at all during this week. If I had, I can confidently say that I would’ve taken extra time to make sure I was wearing a stylish outfit, plating my breakfast beautifully, and worrying more about how I looked when attempting morning yoga than about how it actually made my body feel. Even without the pressure of posting my routines on social media, I was still stressed about whether or not I was doing the routine “correctly.” Was my day as perfect as those of the TikTok influencers I was watching? I began wondering about how much of the “That Girl” trend is about taking care of yourself and your body, as opposed to how much of it is about trying to appear perfect on social media.
Can Trying to be “that Girl” impact your mental health?
In order to explore all angles of aspirational lifestyle content on social media, I asked a licensed psychotherapist Tyndal Schreiner, for her thoughts about the trend from a mental health perspective. Schreiner works specifically with women who experience feelings of shame and anxiety, and has a large social media following of her own. Schreiner explains, “While the ‘That Girl’ trend may have intentions to motivate and it may feel motivating to some, it could be a breeding ground for shame. When motivation comes from a place of shame, it isn’t typically sustainable and it has emotional costs.” The slippery slope between motivation and shame was definitely relatable to me as someone who was attempting to have the ideal routine for a full week. While I felt great about myself for the first few days, that changed when I’d wake up later than intended, or would replace a tougher workout with some light breathing and stretching. I soon realized that it simply wasn’t realistic for me to have made a complete lifestyle change in one week, but that didn’t stop me from feeling the guilt of not being able to uphold the standard that is so idolized on social media.
Another important point Schreiner brings up is the lack of body diversity in women who represent “That Girl” on our screens. I went digging through videos that participated in this trend, and I didn’t come across any that weren’t from physically thin women. While there’s nothing wrong with smaller women posting about their workouts and food routines to motivate others, it does seem to unconsciously promote the idea that there’s only one way to look like “That Girl,” adding to how unrealistic the standard might be. “The ‘That Girl’ trend seems dangerous to younger, vulnerable women who are receiving the message that their lives (and bodies) need to be aesthetically pleasing to be worthy,” Schreiner adds. “This seems like a slippery slope into potentially dangerous body image issues.” While the point of the “That Girl” lifestyle is to better your body and mind, it seems like it can quickly turn into a means of pressuring yourself to make your body look a certain way to others online.
so, is being “that Girl” worth it?
Trying to live the “That Girl” lifestyle certainly had its ups and downs. One of my main takeaways was that, in the future, I need to make the effort to truly differentiate between whether I’m doing something because it feels good to my body or mind, or whether I’m doing it in order to look good to others online. It’s important to remember that there’s no one way to live an “ideal” lifestyle. While green smoothies and cardio workouts didn’t work for me, I’m planning to keep other aspects of my “That Girl” week – such as eating a full breakfast, journaling, and reading before bed – in my routine. If you’re having trouble figuring out if you’re making a lifestyle choice for yourself or to keep up with the pressures of social media, Schreiner suggests asking yourself the following questions when consuming or creating “That Girl” type of content:
- When I see that video, do I feel more love for myself and a desire to treat myself with care or do I feel more shame?
- Am I striving to be “That Girl” out of self-love or am I striving to be “her” out of feeling ashamed of who I am?
- How does my body respond to watching this content? Am I more relaxed or do I feel uneasy and tense?
At the end of the day, “That Girl” isn’t a real person. She’s simply a manifestation of the idea of the “perfect” life that so many of us are trying to achieve, when in reality, perfect lives and routines don’t exist. While I’m excited to keep exploring new ways to treat my body and mind well, it’s an important reminder that we’re all worthy of happiness and the opportunity to create our own versions of a “perfect” life – whether that’s done in a matching workout set at 5:00 a.m. or just our own pajamas whenever we feel like it.