The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
By Kayla White
If you know me, you know much of my music-loving life revolves around Ariana Grande. Being an “Arianator” for nearly five years, I have basically acquired enough knowledge about the girl to recite her entire life since birth. One of the highlights of my own life was meeting her and her family for the first time at the release party for her debut album, Yours Truly, in 2013. Since 2012, I’ve spent days and nights running around NYC (and even other states) for concerts, events, and hotels, hoping to meet Ari or see her perform. I’ve been to over 30 concerts since then, and Ariana is the artist I’ve seen the most–seven times to be exact. She is an incredible singer with incredible music, so I don’t regret the hundreds of dollars I’ve spent seeing her every time she came to my city.
The most recent concert of hers I attended was on February 24, 2017, at Madison Square Garden in New York. It was the first leg of the Dangerous Woman Tour. I went with my mom for the first time, because she also likes Ariana and wanted to see her live. She sang all the bops and more, and even brought out Jason Robert Brown as a special guest to do “Jason’s Song.” I was LIVING. It was an amazing show. Everything about that night is why I love going to concerts. Everyone is dressed in merch, happy and having fun seeing the person they love sing her heart out (in addition to awesome choreography and special effects). It’s one of the best things you could ever experience.
Hearing the news of the bombings in the Manchester Arena after the show was one of the worst I’ve ever received. I cried immediately after I found out it was confirmed as an attack. I couldn’t fathom my favorite singer’s concert being the site of the deadliest terror attack in the United Kingdom in over a decade. I couldn’t imagine all those people walking out of that arena to be maimed and killed by some sick individual. Until that moment, it had probably been the greatest night for some of those young girls. It was especially hard because I saw myself in some of those who died or were injured, simply someone who loves Ariana and went to see her perform–something I’ve done so many times. And when you walk out of that show, you’re thinking about beating the crowd to get home at a decent time, or deciding which picture to post on Instagram the next day. The thought of what happened would never cross a fan’s mind.
Fandoms are such an amazing thing. Once you are a part of one, you gain an entire community who loves the same person you do. As cheesy as it sounds, those people become your family–whether you know them or not. Though I am considered to be an Arianator, I’ve never really considered myself to be in the fandom. However, I’ve always loved and admired the kind and sweet people they are. What happened Monday struck a nerve that left Ariana and her millions of fans feeling shattered, heartbroken, and devastated. How does a fandom full of teens and young people carry on after seeing some of their own become victims of a terrorist attack? There is no blueprint. Despite that, having a community of people to lean on, people who are experiencing the same feelings as you helps immeasurably. Hayley Williams of Paramore said it best: things like the Manchester attacks can affect us emotionally even if we don’t acknowledge it. To my Arianators, it is okay if you still feel affected by this and are hurting. I am too. Take time off if you need to and be there for others if they need it too. To Ariana, I know you’re going through hell right now, but just know you are surrounded by family and fans who are supporting you near and far. Please take this time off to heal and focus on the families of those who lost their lives. We love you.
Rest in peace to all the victims of the Manchester attack. To Saffie, Georgina, Olivia, John, Martyn, Sorrell, and Nell, I’m glad we got to be part of a family so beautiful. I will keep you in my memory for the rest of my life.