It’s a burning question very few consider to ask: How much are our prospective presidents spending on pizza, the most American of all foods?
Gawker graciously took the time to investigate the financial details of the candidates. Taxes? Nah. Income bracket? Nope. Donations from Super PACS? Why bother, when there’s pizza on hand? If there’s any indicator of someone’s allegiance to the great American way, this is it. What better than a food appropriated from another culture and deeply divided by region? Besides, pizza.
With Clinton overwhelmingly the winner, Gawker broke down which pizza places candidates tended to frequent. Though Clinton barely edged Sanders in Iowa, she’s the clear pizza queen in this showdown. This bodes well for playing in more pizza-friendly states like New York and Illinois. Turns out, New York values go far, with the majority of the pizza consumed in New York style.
Overall, though, as men and women “of the people,” Democrats are budgeting more pizza more than their Republican peers. Though Carson isn’t doing so well in the polls, he’s the pizza winner of the party, edging out Cruz, Trump and Rubio. For Rubio, is fourth the new first, as third was in Iowa?
However, the most egregious part of the investigation, one that leaves little faith in any of the candidates to govern, was their terrible taste in pizza. Each candidate, on average, ate at:
- Pizza Hut
- Little Caesars
- Papa John’s
Are there no local gems for these poor people to go to while they’re on the road? Of all the pizza to choose, these are the most “American:” fatty, salty, fast, and reliably awful, yet somehow you always manage to eat an entire box by yourself before falling asleep in a pool of your own regret and grease. The exceptions to this, of course, are Trump and Christie, who being from New York/New Jersey, won’t stand for that crap. Rand Paul orders quite frequently from We The Pizza, a famous place in D.C. Other than that, though, it’s chains as far as the eye can see. Come on, America.
So now you know. Make your choice and get out and vote!
If you’re looking for a bit of a laugh and a complete breakdown of each candidate’s pizza consumption, check out the stellar investigative reporting from Gawker.