Hit or Skip: Mary-Kate & Ashley Movies

I’ve always had a thing for Mary-Kate and Ashley. I’m not sure what it is that draws me to them, but I’ve always been obsessed with any MK&A movie, television show, makeup item and clothing line. From seeing Full House for the first time as a child to currently drooling over their overpriced fashion line, I’ve been a Mary-Kate and Ashley fangirl my entire life. It’s pretty much impossible to delve into every single Mary-Kate and Ashley movie at once so, without further ado, here is my “Hit or Skip” list of some Mary-Kate and Ashley movies.

 

Hit: Passport to Paris

Any true Mary-Kate and Ashley fan can confirm that this movie started their “getting boyfriends while traveling abroad” trend. Their parents send them to stay with their ambassador grandfather in Paris for Spring Break because they’re concerned their daughters are becoming “pinheads.” At first they’re disappointed when their itineraries consist of only museums and other places 13-year-old girls consider a snoozefest, but things brighten up when French boys circle them on Vespas and they befriend a supermodel. In the end, the chef’s disgusting creations and missing out on the Spring Break plans they were looking forward to were worth it. Now, if only I had a French ambassador grandfather and was 13 again! I'd love to explore Paris with the proud owners of Vespas and go shopping with a supermodel.

 

Skip: New York Minute

Let’s just cut to the chase: by this point, the twins were over-acting, and this film is very disappointing, to say the least. In the movie, Mary-Kate's character is all punk rock, while Ashley's is a type-A perfectionist, and they don’t see eye-to-eye. They end up spending the day together in NYC as a truancy officer and a criminal trail them, and the two get closer in the end. The fashion is exactly what you’d expect when you envision punk and perfectionist high school students, so it’s nothing extravagant compared to some of their other films.

 

Hit: Our Lips Are Sealed

This movie is prime Olsen twin humor and fashion. The twins play two blabbermouths who witness a museum robbery and are sent into a witness protection program, which is a disastrous thing to happen since they keep telling everyone their situation and have to constantly relocate. When they're transferred to Australia, they care way too much about running with the cool crowd – going so far as to even eat disgusting goo and crush cans on their heads to impress people – but they really just want to hang with the “cute surfies” that don’t get along with the popular crew. All the while, they actually have the diamond that was stolen from the museum, and two dweebs are sent after it. Karma sucks though, and in the end, the mastermind Soprano-wannabe doesn’t get away.

 

Skip: Switching Goals

Switching Goals is, arguably, the most stereotypical Mary-Kate and Ashley movie ever made. Mary-Kate couldn’t be more of a tomboy and Ashley couldn’t be more of a girly-girl, and their dad, a co-ed soccer coach, misses out on choosing Sam (Mary-Kate) for the team so that Emma (Ashley) doesn’t feel left out. They come up with the idea of The Great Sister Swap, so that Sam gets to win and Emma doesn’t have to worry about getting grass stains. Yes, the switching twins thing is fun to experience. But honestly? They do that all the time, making this a not-so-special, stereotypical Mary-Kate and Ashley movie.

 

Hit: It Takes Two

Name a more iconic movie starring two nine-year-olds. I’ll wait. Although MK&A are still just children, this is some of their best work. Mary-Kate plays a tomboy orphan, Amanda, who wants to be adopted by her social worker, Diane, but instead is almost stuck with a disgusting family. Ashley plays the wealthy child, Alyssa, whose father, Roger, is about to marry a gold digger (*gag*). Once Amanda goes to summer camp across from Alyssa’s house, they eventually discover each other and decide to trade places to make Diane and Roger fall in love, so Roger that doesn’t marry the witch and Amanda doesn’t get stuck with the horrid family. Not a plot twist: they get exactly what they want.

 

Skip: Billboard Dad

You might ask yourself, “What’s wrong with this movie?” It’s a lovely concept, with the perfect combination of sweet, cute, and good child acting. But it’s just so unrealistic–moreson than most of their movies are. MK&A play 12-year-olds who create a billboard advertising their widowed father, in order to hook him up with a new woman. Can I be the first to say, "Ummm what??" How do twelve-year-olds come up with this? How do they reach it and paint it all on their own in the first place? How does it not get taken down? It’s a kind gesture on the twins' part, but any chick that falls for a man put on a billboard by his daughters is out of her nutshell. And then there’s the bleached blonde boy with the blue jean jacket that attempts to be rebellious by jumping into a pool wearing shoes...? It's all just puzzling.

Mary-Kate and Ashley movies were a staple of my childhood, so it’s beyond depressing that they decided to give it all up for their fashion line. I wish they’d go back to acting, even if it were just one movie.