When Bachelor Pad launched on ABC last summer, the first question that came to mind was, “Who in the world would watch that show?” I needn’t have asked. The answer is me.
Now back for a second season, Bachelor Pad will be starting up again in August, and Season 14’s Bachelor Jake Pavelka is the first cast member to be officially confirmed by show producers, as reported by Entertainment Weekly — cue Vienna’s entrance?
The show features men and women from previous seasons of the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, who compete for a $250,000 prize. The contestants take part in challenges, win dates with the bachelors and bachelorettes of their choice and are eliminated by weekly votes cast by other participants.
Think about it — a group of single (save for a few) people who, once upon a time, resorted to a reality TV show to find “true love,” all under one roof, this time for love and money. Expect an absolute trainwreck endlessly entertaining drama!
Of course, how crazy it gets depends on the cast, so here’s who I’d love to see join Jake this season!
Vienna “Daddy’s Girl” Girardi
Yes, good times will be had by all.
Vienna was the most hated girl in the house during her season and is currently dating Kasey Kahl (hey, I’m not judging…but he got a tattoo to prove that he’d “guard and protect” Ali Fedotowsky’s heart…). After winning the final rose on Jake’s season, she and the pilot had a publicly tumultuous break-up. How perfect would a just-as-public reunion be?
Kasey “Guard and Protect” Kahl
How would you feel if you got a tattoo for a girl shortly before being deserted on a snowy mountaintop by said girl…oh wait, that happened?
His sexy (read: PLEASE STOP) singing voice. But really, this one is obvious.
Michelle “Mature” Money
The one who lurks outside your window.
I might be biased on this one because Michelle and I are both from Salt Lake City. Regardless, she fights her own case better than I can: “All I can do is be myself, be patient and hope that Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. Or apes.” “I’m ready for some girls to go home, primarily beause I need more space for my luggage.” “I would love if some of these ninjas would just kidnap some of these other girls. Throw a bag over their heads and take them off and just haul them to, like, the desert.” I wonder if she’ll wake up with more than just a black eye this time?
Bentley “Biggest Jerk Ever (but what else would you expect from someone who names his daughter Cozette, Cozy for short)” Williams
Moving to groom your hair or to deliver Ashley another blow?
If it wouldn’t have been at Ashley Hebert’s expense, I would have loved to see Bentley on this season’s the Bachelorette for longer. Also hailing from Salt Lake City, he’s fabulously good-looking, which makes sense as he cares more about how his hair looks than the fact that he’s breaking Ashley’s heart. He’s deceptive, terribly manipulative and probably wouldn’t stop at anything to win that $250,000. Plus, Michelle was the one who texted Ashley to warn her about Bentley’s motives — wonder how he’d address that?
Chantal “Slap-in-the-Face” O’Brien
If she ever gives you this look, run!
Chantal (almost) won Brad Womack over with the slap heard ’round the world. If she had the guts to slap him on behalf of all the women in America I want to see what else she’s capable of.
Chris “The Nice Guy” Lambton
Wait, when did he get this cute?
Every show needs a sweetheart, and Chris is the perfect choice for the next season of Bachelor Pad. Let’s see how friendly family guy Chris deals with the scandals, rumors and insanity that come with the Pad?
Madison “Vampy” Garton
Caption contest, anybody?
I’d love to see Madison on the show: on the condition that she keeps her vampire fangs on (and if not, I expect her to dramatically toss her fangs into the fire à la masked Jeff). Which leads me to…
Jeff “The Real Me” Medolla
If the sun didn’t give it away, I’d think it was really cold out.
For the most part, I just want to see what mask he dons this time around.
Emily “The Perfect…or Is She?” Maynard
Is it normal to look this good mid-sentence?
Barbie doll look-a-like Emily was the sweetest, nicest Southern Belle on Brad’s season of the Bachelor. Even Michelle had nothing bad to say about her. According to rumors of her relationship (or lack thereof) with Brad, though, she’s assertive and demanding. Who knew? I’d love to see Diva Emily in action…plus, Bentley might just have an aneurysm if they were on the show together.
As for Brad Womack…no. Just no. Third time’s the charm, but I think it’s time you tried that somewhere else. Who else are you hoping to see on Bachelor Pad this season?