Most of us have probably had a toxic friend or two throughout our lives. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize the warning signs, particularly when some may be subtle. So, I’ve made up a list of 15 signs that they’re a toxic friend and what to do after realizing that they’re toxic.
- They always try to one-up you
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Whether it’s good news or bad news, they always feel the need to prove that they have it better/worse than you. They always feel the need to have the upper hand in the friendship, especially when it comes to good or bad news.
- It always has to be about them
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This kinda ties into the one above. Whenever you try to talk about yourself or something happening in your life, they’re quick to find a way to relate the conversation back to themselves. They feel like they have to be the centre of attention all the time.
- you always have to be available for them
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Sometimes these toxic friends expect you to be available for them whenever they need it. But when it comes to you needing a friend, they’re practically unreachable.
- They’re often jealous of your other friends
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Toxic friends often have a hard time “sharing” you with other people and get jealous when you’re spending time with other people without them. They expect you to be available for them whenever they decide they need you and don’t like when you’re with people that will take up your time that they believe should be reserved for them.
- You feel like they’re using you
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Sometimes toxic friends try to manipulate you into doing things that you don’t want to do because they don’t want to have to do it alone. Or sometimes it seems like they’re using you for materialistic purposes, like when you go out and they insist on splitting the bill when they got significantly more than you or they just ask you to pay the entire thing.
- You no longer trust them
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Nothing hurts more than confiding in a friend and finding out that they shared it with other people, particularly multiple other people. When you feel like you can no longer tell them anything without multiple people finding out, that’s when you know that they’re not a sincere friend.
- You can’t depend on them
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This could be because when you’re in need of a friend, they’re not there for you. You could also feel this way if every time you try to hangout they cancel at the last minute, or they message past the arranged meeting time to let you know that they’re not coming.
- They have trouble celebrating your success
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Sometimes it seems like they don’t want you to succeed. Whenever you tell them about something good or exciting that happened to you, they always seem to not care. They’re rarely excited for you and almost never congratulate you on your success.
- The relationship is one-sided
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Has anyone else ever wondered how long you would go without talking to a friend if you didn’t message them first? Often you have to be the one to reach out (unless they need something from you) and try to make plans to spend time together. Then when you do hangout, it’s almost always all about them!
- They continuously guilt trip you and play the victim
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This often happens when you try to confront them about how they’ve been acting. They may give you a long sob story in response to make you feel bad for confronting them. In my experience, people also do it because they want attention and they want you to feel bad for them.
- They don’t take responsibility for their actions
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It’s very rare to get an apology out of a toxic friend, especially a sincere one! A lot of the time the “apology” may go something like: “I’m sorry but…” Most of the time they’ll probably try to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the one in the wrong.
- They don’t respect your boundaries or privacy
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This can be with what you’re comfortable sharing and they continue to pressure something out of you or literally by snooping through your stuff. I once came back from the bathroom to find one of my friends going through all of my drawers. Definitely a red flag!
- They act like spending time together is a chore
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Sometimes it’s just in the way that they act, like by being on the phone the entire time that you’re together, or they might actually say that they wish they were somewhere else. Sometimes it just feels like they don’t want to be there, which in turn makes you not want to be there either!
- You don’t enjoy spending time with them
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Particularly after times like the above, you end up feeling very deflated after spending some time together. You can even begin to dread having to spend time with them when you know that in the end, you’re not going to be left in a good mood. It’s important to spend time with people who make us feel better about ourselves, not worse.
- They constantly put you down
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Friends are supposed to build you up and be a support system, but toxic friends do the opposite of this. They rarely compliment, praise or congratulate you on your accomplishments. Instead, they constantly put you down and make you not feel very good about yourself.
What now?
It can be hard to figure out what to do once you’ve realized that you have a toxic friend. The most important thing to remember is that you need to do what’s best for you. If you want to try and salvage the friendship, it’s important to try and talk to them about how you feel and how they’ve been acting in hopes that they’ll change. If you never talk to them about it, their attitudes and actions won’t change.
If you’ve tried talking to them and nothing comes of it, it’s important to know that it’s okay to cut them out of your life. You can let the friendship fizzle out or you can do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.
Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you’re doing it for yourself. It’s okay to put yourself and your happiness first and get rid of all the toxic people that may be in your life. In the end, you’ll only be happier because of it.