pick me, pick me!
“I am not like other girls.”
You may have heard this at least once in your life from a girl who thinks that they stand out more than any other girl; however, this certain type of girl is one of the most cringy of them all: a “pick me” girl.
Not only will we be discussing these types of girls but also the guys who consider themselves to be “nice guys.” When I say this, I do not mean genuinely nice guys. I mean the guys who will talk to a girl and say phrases such as, “I am such a nice guy,” “I don’t understand why girls don’t like me,” “I am so ugly”…(waits for reassurance that they are not ugly), etc.
We all know at least one person who is like this. So ladies, we need to talk about “pick me” guys and girls.
What Exactly is a “Pick Me” Guy/Girl?
Even though they sound the same, a “pick me” girl and a “pick me” guy have differences between them.
A “pick me” girl is a girl who goes above and beyond in order to impress a male by reassuring the fact that they are not like “other girls.” They may even put down other fellow females in the process. The male counterpart mainly focuses on self-deprecation and tries to pull out compliments.
Overall, these “pick me’s” all have one goal at the end: to seek validation, usually being acquired by the opposite sex. They usually have trouble with feeling accepted, and in order to feel that acceptance, they search for attention from others.
My personal experience
My experience with these types of people can go back to my time in middle school. I had an acquaintance in middle school who wanted our guy friends’ attention. She would try to talk up a storm with them and even try to flirt with them. Let me tell you, they were not having it.
Because of that, they would talk to my best friend and me more and more. My acquaintance would not like that at all. So, she would do little things to make it seem like she was better than anyone else. She would say that she did not like any drama but obviously wanted to create some.
Let’s just say it did not work out so well. I have to hand it to her though, she did put a lot of effort into it. I hope she is doing well.
My “pick me” guy experiences surprisingly first started in high school. I was in my freshman year and, of course, to upperclassmen I was “fresh meat.”
My very first experience was with a sophomore while I was a freshman in high school. We both snapped each other and my gut kept telling me this guy was a little off. He kept saying how ugly he was and how I was so pretty. When I would not snap him within 2 minutes, he would double snap me.
After two hours of talking, he confessed he loved me. I shut him down by saying “dude, it has only been two hours of knowing each other” and quickly stopped talking to him.
My most recent experience was actually a few weeks ago. This situation was the one that made me want to discuss this topic with you all today.
One day, I decided that I wanted to make new friends. I posted on the Facebook Campus page for Kent State saying that I wanted to get to know more people. I saw that guys did add me and I thought “why not?” This is where instant regret floods in.
This guy started to snap me and I was getting to know him. By his messages, he seemed almost too nice where it became uncomfortable. I did not want him to get any other ideas.
I then replied to him saying, “just so you know, I do have a boyfriend. I do not want to sound like a b*tch or anything.”
When I said that, he immediately went off. One of the things I clearly remembered was, “why does every girl think I am flirting with them? I make more girl friends than guy friends. They just understand me better, but once I start being nice to them, they think I am flirting. I am just being such a nice guy.”
He then proceeded to trauma dump all over me like it was his job. I slowly then stopped talking to him and then completely ignored him.
Red Flags
Since there are “pick me” girls and guys, I will be dividing them into two different lists. I may not have all the signs; however, if you see these signs, please avoid at all costs!
“Pick me” Girls
- Will constantly say phrases such as “I am not like other girls” or “I don’t do drama”
- Will shame other women
- Brag about being “one of the boys”
- Claims she does not need makeup
- Claims how simple she is
“Pick me” guys
- Will self-deprecate
- Say phrases such as “girls do not like nice guys like me”
- Will use guilt trips in flirting
- Will say how he is unattractive and expect reassurance
- May trauma dump
The best way to deal with “pick me’s” is to IGNORE THEM. If you give in and respond they will come running back to you, relying on your validation. Do not feed into them.
You may feel guilty at first, but you do not need the pressure on your shoulders to try to make them feel accepted. They need to realize they can not be doing this to other people.
If someone close to you is a “pick me,” please let them be aware. They need to first accept themselves before they are accepted by others.
You’re not like any other person, you’re you!
How not to be a “pick me” is simple: just be you! Sometimes, it is not easy to fit in, but that does not mean you should go out of your way to try to impress others. You need to come to terms with yourself and accept who you are first before you want to be accepted by others.
You need to be comfortable with who you are first. If you are not, you can not expect others to feel comfortable with you.
Once you feel comfortable with yourself, you will have a newfound confidence in who you are. You will not have the need to try to reach out to people for their acceptance.
And if someone you meet does not accept you, they are not the person for you. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.
All in all, love yourself! Accept yourself! Be yourself!