Despite the progression the feminist movement has brought us, the stigma of losing your virginity seems to be something that has stood the test of time. The label of being a ‘virgin’ has both negative and positive connotations. The term ‘virgin’ can be used in a derogative way, especially when used by men and their friends in certain situations, especially since sex can be seen as a major part of the heteronormative, masculine identity. The so-called ‘positive’ connotations of being a virgin are steeped in old-fashioned values; having your virginity ‘intact’ used to (and still does to some) symbolise female purity. Ultimately, for some, virginity has meant to equal a woman’s value through the eyes of the patriarchy. The term can leave you feeling undesirable, undervalued, impure, ‘too’ innocent and something to feel ashamed about. This is obviously wrong, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. The wording of the phrase ‘losing your virginity’, evokes the feeling that something important has been lost, suggesting that virginity is a part of you rather than a socially constructed idea.
A lot of the ideology around sexuality stems from the Bible, especially for women when relatively little is said about men. For example, the Virgin Mary is praised, the temptress Eve is scolded and the ‘whore’ Mary Magdalene is ‘fixed’ by Jesus. Obviously times and opinions have changed since the Bible was written, but some of the stigmas around these titles remains. It’s important to recognise the issues around these terms, as a feminist, and continue to talk about it to break the stigma. I still can’t help but feel inward repression despite my outward appraisal for women’s sexual liberation.
The concept of ‘body count’ (a term that refers to how many people someone has had sex with) is another term, just like virginity, that has problematic connotations. This term ‘body count’, is utterly sexist, since men are praised for how many women they sleep with, whilst women are more likely to be shamed for how many men they sleep with. The ideas of virginity and body count go hand-in-hand. Women are once again made to feel a certain way for having, or not having sex, with one, or more than one person. It can feel like a tarnishing of character, almost like a metaphorical ‘Scarlett Letter’ we carry around with us. Although many of us recognise this as a double standard that should cease to exist, we can’t help but feel ashamed when we have sex with someone. This is especially the case after a one-night stand, where afterwards we might wonder whether the sex was worth the risk of being slut-shamed, or even cat called on our way home when we’re still wearing the same clothes from the night before.
I hope we will reach a place one day where sex can be more of a positive experience for women, but it will take a lot of reversing the ideals that are so deeply engrained within our society. If more people recognised the role and influence of the patriarchy in regards to sex, along with its double-standards and evocation of shame, and made an effort to change their perspective on sex, we would all benefit.