The first time that I got my heart broken I was fourteen. He was my first kiss and the first person to show genuine interest in me. However, he was also eighteen, and it turns out he wasn’t actually interested in my personality. He strung me along for months, shaping me into his ideal girl, and then ended things when I started saying “no”. I didn’t realize how much of myself I had given away to him. So, when things ended, I became a shell of who I was. It was only recently that I admitted to myself what he did, and finally, after five years, I found closure. I started healing.
I haven’t been overly lucky in love. Until recently, I didn’t realize that it was because I was still recovering from the experiences that happened all the way back in grade nine. How could I love someone and let them see the deepest parts of myself when I didn’t even understand what those parts were? When I didn’t really know who I was? Now that I’ve begun healing, I know that I can move on.
Heartbreak is something that very few people will be able to avoid in their lifetime. It’s a part of growing up and just something that we have to face. Knowing that everyone goes through it at some point doesn’t make it any easier when it happens, and I’m not trying to say that I can fix it or make the pain go away, but through personal experience, I’ve found a few things that may make it hurt less. So, I’m going to share them with you in the hopes that they can help you too.
1. Let yourself feel.
Give yourself permission to feel everything that you’re holding inside. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a week or a month or even a year since your heart was broken—it’s okay to have those feelings. They’re there for a reason, so don’t shut them away. It can be hard to accept what happened, especially when you think that you’ve been holding onto it for too long. But there is no time limit on healing, and your heartbreak won’t go away overnight. You can’t force yourself to not feel the things that your heart wants you to. Don’t feel guilty for feeling the things that you need to in order to heal.
2. Don’t check their social media profiles, even if you really want to.
Living in a digital world makes it so easy to check in on how they’re doing—if they’re struggling as much as you are, if they’ve moved on. It’s almost impossible to avoid their face completely, but in the long run, it’ll hurt more if you choose Living in a digital world makes it so easy to check in on how they’re doing—if they’re struggling as much as you are, if they’ve moved on. It’s almost impossible to avoid their face completely, but in the long run, it’ll hurt more if you choose to go through their profile. Maybe at some point in the future, you’ll be able to look at them and not feel that pang in your chest, but for now don’t give yourself excuses to check in on them. I know it’s tempting, but for the time being focus on yourself and what you need.
3. Be patient with yourself.
Healing takes time, so don’t expect yourself to immediately be okay. You may be heartbroken for a while, but eventually, the pain will start to go away. You’ll think of them less and less, until one day, you can think of them without hurting. It may not come as quickly as you wish it would, but you must be patient with yourself. I know it’s much easier said than done, but remember you are resilient. There is no timeline that you have to follow to begin healing and get over them. If you force yourself to move on when you’re not ready to, you’ll end up hurting yourself more. Things take time—so give yourself that.
Like I mentioned earlier, I haven’t been the luckiest in love, which means that I’ve experienced a lot of heartaches (not so lucky for me, but lucky for you!). Don’t get me wrong, it sucks, but you will be okay. There’s so much left of the world to discover and so many more people to meet and fall in love with. You’re exactly where you need to be.