There is a huge list of reasons why I stopped caring what others think of me. But first: I know what you are thinking. It is so much easier said than done. You can’t flip a switch and stop wondering what others are thinking of you. I understand that, so let me tell you why you should stop caring and how it helped me be a lot happier.
Let’s start off by going back to our childhood for a second with a Dr. Seuss quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” I could not have said it better myself, and this was the first thing I figured out when I stopped caring what others think.
One of my biggest worries, and I am sure it is one the biggest worry of many others too, is how I look. I found myself walking around campus worried about what I looked like to others. Was my outfit cute enough? Did my hair look greasy? Did I forget to smile? Was I walking funny?
Then I realized: I know none of these people and won’t see them again. Their opinions don’t matter as long as I feel confident and comfortable. I also realized I am not thinking these things of anyone else, so why would they think that of me? I can wear whatever I want around family and friends since I know they will love me no matter what, even if I am in a grout-fit and don’t look my best. They don’t care because I am more than just my appearance. So why worry so much about strangers’ thoughts of you? Even so, strangers are not thinking about how you look, and if they are looking at you, they are probably worried about what you are thinking of them.
Something that took me a long time to learn was that if something makes you happy, you should do it without worrying what others think. If something makes you happy, those who care about you should support it. My biggest example is how I enjoy playing video games. I would get teased from my brothers for being “childish.” I found myself feeling self conscious when playing these games and it made me want to stop even though I really enjoyed them.
Then it hit me, why should I care? It is not hurting them, it affects them in no way, and it is something I do that allows me to destress and be happy. Family and friends tease for the fun of it without realizing the impact, but at the end of the day, my brothers don’t really care what I do with my time, especially if it is something I enjoy.
Another thing to keep in mind is that peoples’ opinions of you are just opinions. If someone thinks or says something, it is just one person’s thoughts; it does not mean everyone feels the same. Once I realized this, I gained back a lot of my confidence.
I find a lot of people focus on the one negative comment they get rather than the many positive ones, such as what they wear. Say you are trying a new outfit you really like and at school you get lots of compliments, then you go home to your mother and she makes a negative comment on it. Everyone at school loved your outfit and maybe your mom is not up to date with the trends at the moment. So maybe its not your moms favorite outfit, but who cares?! If you love it and feel confident and comfortable in it, it should not matter what one person’s opinion is.
Another thing to keep in mind when worrying what others think of you is: when is the last time you thought negatively of someone you love? You probably don’t have one since you probably don’t think poorly of those you love. In our eyes, the ones we love are perfect (or almost sometimes, since they can get on your nerves). But why can’t we treat ourselves with the same amount of love? Your loved ones aren’t constantly picking every part of you apart, so you shouldn’t either.
Finally, what truly made me the happiest was when I stopped changing myself to try and fit what everyone else wanted me to be. No one is perfect, and trying to live up to everyone’s expectations is draining and impossible. There are only 24 hours in a day, and none of us have super powers. Listening to comments of others and what they thought about me was so harmful to my confidence and mental health. While it is easier said than done to simply let things roll off your back, I found that dismissing those comments and not trying to change for others made me happier. And being your true self brings your loved ones closer, since that is why they love you in the first place!
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