Most of us have experienced breaking up with someone you love and the flood of emotions that comes with it-sadness, grief, confusion, and maybe even relief. However, how do you handle the alarming state when those emotions do not dissipate…ever?
I’m used to going through the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany the loss of someone I deemed to be very special in my life. It lasts for about a week, and then I work through the lingering waves for the next month or so. My most recent breakup has been heavy on my mind since it occurred, which was 8 months ago now. It seems ridiculous when compared to the length of the relationship, but there is something about the connection I had with my partner that I just can’t “get over.” He is the only person I have ever considered to be my other half. Everything with this person felt different than all of my other relationships. I felt like he knew me for who I am and even appreciated the parts of me I dislike without making excuses for my toxic behaviors. Now that it has been so long since we’ve been broken up, I have had to really evaluate what I should do. I can mourn a relationship for longer than I was even in it, or I can take the chance and confront the issue head-on.
It’s extremely nerve-wracking to open up to your ex about how you feel, and somehow it’s even scarier when they feel the exact same way. There are so many perceived risks when considering if you should give a relationship a second chance. I worry about if we will face the same issues we did the first time, if we are even still compatible together, and how my friends and family would react. I’ve had to remind myself that I am no longer who I was almost a year ago, and neither is he. We have both changed drastically for the better and matured in multiple ways. Ideally, we would be better equipped to work through any issues we had and act like adults. The toughest weight I face is telling my family, but it’s not their decision, and it’s wrong for me to assume they would be unhappy.
Of course, I do have to take how and why we broke up into consideration, which I will not blast online. Our relationship did not end in the way I would have liked it to-not that I wanted it to end in the first place. It makes me apprehensive about possibly dating one another again, but I do have to recognize that sometimes our circumstances in life really take a toll on relationships. Neither of us are in the same situation we were in almost a year ago, thankfully. I don’t think we were prepared for the realities and stressors of life, so time apart to work through our own pressing issues was crucial. I’m well aware some people think getting back together with an ex is ugly, but sometimes the timing in life isn’t right and another try feels necessary.
There are so many unknowns, and maybe it wouldn’t work after all, but I can’t keep trying to wait out my emotions that obviously aren’t going anywhere. It’s exciting, scary, but most of all it is an opportunity to rekindle a love with someone who means the world to you and learn about who they are now. If you’re in a similar position, remember that it’s understandable to want to be with someone again, but make sure you want the relationship for the right reasons and don’t excuse unacceptable behavior. I’m personally choosing to not rush anything or label the relationship for right now. To me, it’s about enjoying the journey of rediscovering one another, and only time will tell what happens next and if it’s something meant to be pursued further.