Dating apps? Lunch dates? Nightly cocktails? However you’re mingling these days, dating isn’t quite like Carrie Bradshaw once promised us it’d be. Maybe you’ve only just graduated college, or maybe you’ve got some experience under your belt. You’re moving to Manhattan, back into your parents’ home, or you’re staying right where you’ve been. Wherever you are, the dating scene isn’t quite what you hoped for, right? I hate to say it, but Carrie Bradshaw – and the rest of our beloved SATC ladies – sold us some false dreams about our future love lives. I hope the Sex and the City reboot can right all of the things the original got wrong about dating as adults, especially these three.
- Being Single Isn’t Actually That Bad
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This is number one on the list because it’s arguably the most important. Most of the women of SATC constantly complain about their single-ness (with the exception of Samantha).
Despite Carrie’s column largely being about the sex lives of the four girls, her desire to find love shines through in all of her writing. Mr. Big constantly mistreats her, answering his cell phone while she recites a poem in front of a wedding audience and ultimately leaving her at the altar. But Carrie still found herself pining for Big’s love. And they ultimately end up together, undermining the show’s lovely focus on powerful female friendships.
Charlotte, Miranda, and Carrie never truly take time to appreciate being single. They go to art gallery openings but always bring dates, and they spend all their time talking about men – or their lack of one. Miranda stays with a man who has to watch porn as foreplay, and Charlotte dates a man just so he can fix things around her house — no matter what, there’s always someone else in the picture, and very little time to just be on their own.
In reality, being single can be wonderful. Going to bars and returning home to order Domino’s with my roommates is actually one of my favorite things to do on a night out. And flirting is fun, sure — but I’d much rather spend my time at the beach focusing on my tan or the drink I’ll order next, than thinking about sex and relationships.
Don’t get me wrong: I get wanting to have a partner. But I also want to spend the time that I’m single appreciating my freedom. In the wise words of Miranda, “Why do four smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends?” In the meantime, we single girls have other things to talk about.
- Finding A Date Isn’t That Simple
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All four women are constantly going on dates, whether they’re seeing someone seriously or not. Every week, the women meet a gym owner, a socialite, a widower, out in the wild.
Carrie and Big met on the street in one of the biggest cities in the country, and continued to bump into each other around town. And while the meet-cute looks good on the screen, I can promise you that you probably won’t be meeting your future lover in that way.
Then there’s Miranda, who met her husband at a bar, Charlotte, who picked up a man at a cemetery, and Samantha, who met one of her love interests during a business proposal. In college, you probably met people in your classes, on the quad, or at a frat party, but it’s a bit harder to meet IRL once you’ve graduated.
It’s difficult to find a date that you even want to see again. That’s not to say they’re not out there, but swiping is certainly less romantic than a chance encounter. And when you do meet through a dating app, there’s no guarantee you’ll meet someone new each week unless you actively try to do so.
While people might ask for your number as you waitress food to their table, or they might DM you on Instagram, it’s a lot less likely that you’ll be stopped while waiting to cross the street, or meet someone and be invited to their gala that same weekend.
I mean, I get excited when a guy I’m hooking up with even asks me to get a drink! Just kidding; that rarely happens. But I’m hopeful that just a simple dinner date will someday be in my future.
- There’s No Place In The Dating World For Slut-Shaming
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For its time, SATC was incredibly progressive. Not many shows in the ‘90s had such open dialogue surrounding female sexuality and sexual desire. But, while Samantha loved to sleep around, her three best friends made it very clear that they could never act in such a manner.
Samantha’s sex life, while a source of empowerment for her, was sometimes held under intense scrutiny by the other girls. For example, after sleeping with Charlotte’s brother, Charlotte calls Samantha promiscuous — Charlotte never sleeps with a man until the third date. When Carrie walks in on Samantha giving a delivery man a blowjob, she panics, and makes tons of jokes aimed at Samantha. Though she apologizes, Carrie’s apology does feel a bit patronizing when she begins with, “It’s not my personal style, but…”
Similarly, Charlotte breaks her rule at a wedding, and sleeps with one of the groomsmen. When she tells him his father subsequently felt her up, he replies by telling her his father wouldn’t jeopardize his marriage “because some girl is wearing a slutty dress,” – as though she was asking for it by the way she was dressed, right? That wasn’t a cute move then, and it’s even less so now.
In 2021, female sexual autonomy is growing more and more normalized. My friends and I openly talk about our sex lives with no judgement, and I’m totally comfortable putting it out there for everyone to read (perhaps I’ll start a new column to mimic that of Carrie’s?).
Sleeping with whoever you want is definitely not problematic, as the show made it out to be. While there are always people who’ll judge, that shouldn’t stop you from meeting up with that guy from Hinge once you get home – but only if you want to.
While I really do love SATC, and think that it was a pivotal introduction to female desire for a lot of young women, it doesn’t paint the clearest picture of the dating scene. It’s hard out here for a b****. That’s all I can say about that. But while it may not be the best depiction of the dating scene, it certainly hasn’t lost the appeal, and I’ll be impatiently awaiting the premiere of the reboot – and hoping that it shows a more realistic dating world.