Expectations are a huge factor when it comes to relationships and dating. Do you expect men to pay for dates, or does it make you feel uncomfortable? If you are in a same sex relationship, does the check still bring about gendered issues? For some couples, paying for dates doesn’t cause much controversy at all. For others, it is awkward, stressful, and confusing.
I asked a few of my friends what they expect in the paying/dating game and how their expectations panned out in their relationships. Some said picking up the check doesn’t become an issue until the relationship is steady and monogamous. A few women said it’s expected for a guy to pay at first, but after a while it’s only fair to even out spending. One of my best guy friends said he would feel weird splitting the check or letting a woman pay. Most of my other male friends seemed to like paying for women in the beginning of relationships, and agreed that men should pay for special occasions and formal dates. So who is right? Are there any concrete rules when it comes to paying on dates? No matter where you stand, there are a few things to take into account when entering any relationship.
Consider the other’s expectations and background. If you’re a woman who takes pride in being independent and paying your own way, it might take some open negotiating if you choose to date a man who believes paying for women is simply respectful. If your past partners paid for every meal and drink, it might seem like a new guy is cheap if he lets you pick up half the tab. The truth is that no universal code of dating etiquette exists. Families and even communities might share common practices, but the dating scene brings people from a wide variety of backgrounds.
Traditionally, it is classy for a man to pay a lady’s way. But take a moment to think of how costly it would be to pay for two drinks, two dinners, and two movie tickets… every time. Deciding who pays and how often is a personal choice that every couple needs to decide on their own. Of course there are times when it is appropriate and kind to pay for another’s order. For example, a first date is a time when impressions are critical. If you invite somebody on a first date, it is naturally a kind gesture to pay for his or her first beer, Raisinettes, or an order of Hoagieville cheese fries to share. If your partner likes to pay for your order or movie ticket, take some time to appreciate what they are doing for you and consider small ways to show your appreciation. Respect each other’s beliefs, and if the relationship is worth negotiating then work to find a method that can suit the both of you.