You just can’t seem to escape that one single decision that can make a huge difference in your college life. We’ve all heard it before, that it’s practically imprinted in our brain. “Never, EVER, go into college with a boyfriend. You’re only setting yourself up for heart break and never get the full college experience.” But what if it were possible to make a long distance relationship work?
My freshman year of college I had a boyfriend of two years whom I had been dating since junior year of high school. I came to UVM, and he went to college in Maine. Although the transition from high school to college was a bit rocky and confused our relationship, we pushed through and continued dating throughout the school year. I’m not going to say it was easy, however, because many things were different between us as we tried to handle the long distance relationship.
We didn’t talk as much, we both went out on the weekends, and we both were busy with schoolwork and extra-curricular activities. I’m also not going to say long distance relationships don’t work. Because they can. But both sides of the relationship need to have and understand a few simple qualities that I, and my friend’s long distance boyfriend of two years, Mark Benjamin, agreed upon.
1. Trust & Honesty
You need trust, both of you. There’s no getting around it. “Kinda” trusting your partner doesn’t work either. When your boyfriend goes out on the weekends you need to trust that they’re not with other girls. And the same thing needs to be true when you go out. It would get obnoxious every single weekend having to explain yourself to your boyfriend, so you can understand his frustration when you do it to him. You both just need to trust each other until you have a definite reason not to. “Trust is important in a long distance relationship because everyone wants their partner to remain faithful,” Mark added. “If there’s no trust, then chances are that someone’s not being faithful. But if you truly love the person you’re in a relationship with, it really shouldn’t be questioned.”
You also need to always be honest with him. If you hung out with a guy last night, even just as friends, and that was the reason you ignored his texts, then tell him that. It’s much better hearing it from you then seeing a post on your Facebook the next day from your guy friend saying, “Last night was fun! Let’s do it again?” That automatically makes you look guilty, and will have him assuming the worst.
“In a long distance relationship honesty and trust are the two most important rules to follow in order to keep the relationship healthy,” Mark said. “If you don’t have either one of those two things working, than the relationship is bound to fail. If you can’t trust a person, how can you be honest to them? If you can’t be honest to a person, how can you trust them? They both go hand in hand.” If you’re always honest, trust each other, and there’s no jealousy, you’re already on the road to having an easy long distance relationship.
2. Communication & Patience
You both won’t be free at the same time every single day. You probably won’t have similar schedules at all. Which means that when you’re free to talk, he probably won’t be. This can definitely be grounds for petty arguments, simply because we don’t have patience. “Being in a long distance relationship myself, I know that communication is key to making things work,” Mark said. “Constantly getting updates on how things are going, what’s new with my girlfriend, and being able to express my thoughts on what’s going on in her life gives me the ability to be involved without being right next to her.”
When you first figure out your schedule, let your boyfriend know, and vice versa, so that way you can plan a time to call or Skype each other. “With today’s technology it’s fairly easy to stay connected in a long distance relationship,” Mark concludes. “You have your cell phone, Facebook, instant messaging, and Skype. You have to love Skype. You can have a conversation with your loved one and actually see them. See their facial expresses, what they’re wearing, results from the gym, etc. But its important to remember that if all this technology was not available, you would still maintain the relationship. No matter how far away you are, how often you get to see him/her, or how often you talk, because none of that matters if you truly love him/her.” If you both take time out of your already busy schedules to talk for a couple minutes each night, things will definitely be easier.
3. The Little Things
In long distance relationships, it’s the little things that mean the most. You’re not with them physically, so you don’t feel as close to them when you’re apart. But when you wake up to a sweet text, or get flowers delivered to your dorm, you feel special. Those are the moments that mean the most when you’re not together for months at a time. Small, simple surprises on both ends will keep the passion going in your relationship throughout the school year, and will let each of you know that the other is thinking about you, even when you’re not there.
If both of you have and understand these qualities, then you’ll probably have a stress-free long-distance relationship that lasts. But if your relationship is stressful, always has you down, or is taking up the time that should be devoted to your studies, then maybe it’s time you took a step back and questioned if this relationship is really worth it in the long run. Distance certainly can make the heart grow fonder.