Advice and honesty are what friends are for, right? Well, not all the time. Sometimes it’s better to swallow your negative comments or do some heavy sugarcoating to avoid hurt feelings and complications. A well-meant agreement like “you’re too good for him” can (somehow) easily land you in the doghouse. But how do you know when to be straightforward? To help out our fellow collegiettes™, we’ve compiled a guide to knowing what to say!
Situation #1: Boy Drama
Your friend comes to you crying about her never-ending
drama with her LDR (Long Distance Relationship).
Do you bite your tongue, or call him a jerk? It depends. If she asks for your honest opinion, explain things from your perspective, but maybe cut out your thoughts on his Pauly D haircut and donkey laugh. If they’re still together, be supportive, even if he’s a total tool. He’s going to be around anyway, so you might as well give the guy a fair trial. Who knows? You might end up growing to appreciate that odd donkey laugh. If they broke up, be sensitive, but go ahead and break out your true feelings…unless they’re a notoriously on-again off-again couple.
Situation #2: Roommate Complaint
It all started when her roomie pulled a Willow Smith and
decided it was a great idea to just whip her hair back and
forth to the Pandora Disney station… in the middle of the night,
before a major O. Chem exam. Yeah, not cool.
Now it’s WWIII between them, and you’re stuck in the middle. Choosing a side can backfire if you’re friends with both roommates so tread wisely, and don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want the other girl to know you said. Plus, it’s always possible the two versions of the incident are not exactly the same.
Unless there was a random guy in the corner with a video phone, if you weren’t there, you can’t know what really happened. It’s not your battle!
Situation #3: Stress Overload
It’s about the 800th time you’ve heard about your friend’s GARTH
research paper, which is only worth a tiny percent of her grade
mind you,
and is basically going to look exactly like the Wikipedia page.
Meanwhile, you have four exams this week, two huge projects and a sorority social. She’s obviously not the only collegiette™ majorly stressing! Even if you’d rather permanently wear earmuffs to avoid hearing her complain one more time, don’t completely dismiss her stress. It’s tempting, but resist the urge to smack her on the head, or say how much busier you are than she is.
Be supportive and cheer her on, and be thankful that break is near!
Situation #4: Fat Talk
“Ugh, I look like a cow!” We’ve all heard it: the clearly gorgeous girl complaining about how her half-caf no whip latte habit has made her blow up like Oprah. The fat talk has got to go. If your friend isn’t exactly tipping the scale, say so, and tell her if it makes you uncomfortable to hear her talk like that. If, on the other hand, she, uh, does look like she ate pretty well on Turkey Day, honesty is not your best policy here. She’s obviously self-conscious about her figure, or she wouldn’t be sadly eating Ben & Jerry’s on the couch while watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Step lightly, and sugarcoat! Tell her she’s beautiful, and if her weight is still bothering her, ask her to be your UREC buddy.
While it may be tempting to always tell it like it is, most of the time, some serious sugarcoating is in order. Nasty comments and action are only OK if your friend is actually in danger (like with an abusive boyfriend). Always give support, and remember, no one likes to be lectured!