You’ve always been the girl who knows when a guy is hitting on you. It might be uncomfortable to admit, since it often seems cocky, but it’s just an honest observation. Recently your radar went off again with the new guy you’re hanging out with. But the next time you saw each other, the radar wasn’t going off. You chalked it up to a confusion, or him not wanting to come on too strong. However, you’ve realized that this pattern has been repeating itself. He flirts and seems very interested, then he backs off and treats you like one of the guys. How do you possibly decipher the situation? Is he sending you mixed signals or is he just an awkward flirter?
Unfortunately, there is no universal rule for this situation. On the bright side, what you may interpret as him “treating you like one of the guys” might actually be his way of showing interest. For example, he often invites you to hang out with his roommates or friends and does nothing to show he’s interested (i.e. sitting close to you or holding your hand). Now you’re wondering if he’s trying to set you up with one of the friends or roommates. While this may seem confusing, you’re slightly over thinking it. If he’s asking you to hang out with his friends, he is showing you off! He wants them to see how beautiful, smart, witty, and awesome you are. He loves that you can hang with the guys. It’s a very attractive quality to have, as long as you still look and act like a girl.
A situation similar to the previous one is that he’s affectionate only in public. When he puts his arm around you while watching a movie or guides you by the small of your back to your chair, you know he’s interested. Physical contact is a fairly obvious sign of attraction. But when you’re in public, even without his friends, he refuses to make any contact. Initially his actions make you think he either isn’t interested in you, or he’s ashamed of you. Most likely, neither is the case. You have to remember that nobody wants to be rejected. Since he hasn’t come out and said he likes you, he has yet to be rejected. That being said, every time you hang out gives him the opportunity to be rejected by you. As bad as rejection is, public rejection is that much worse! He doesn’t want to make a move and have you pull away, especially not when other people could be watching. He also doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with PDA when he is unsure of how you feel about him. Since he is being affectionate while in private, you should be bold enough to make a small move in public. Hopefully your actions will give him the confidence to be more consistent in his behavior towards you, both in public and in private.
Mixed signals are confusing. But they are usually not mixed. Guys try to feel out the water before jumping right in. They do not want to be rejected, especially not by someone as gorgeous and awesome as you. While they are obviously interested, and want you to be just as interested in them, they do not want to run the chance of your friendship. If a guy is sending you mixed signals, send a few signals back. If you are into him, be bold in public! The weather is cooling down, making it very easy for you to say you’re cold, grab his arm, and hold it close to you while walking down the street. This simple gesture will get the message across for him to sack up and be more upfront about his feelings. If you are not into him, make that very clear! Do not keep him hanging around in the limbo of mixed messages. The longer you string him along, the more he may resent you when you finally do reject him. He will inevitably make a move, and your games with him may ruin the potential friendship you two could have had. Remember, despite the belief that men should make the first move (a belief I firmly believe in… most of the time), they are not the only ones involved in the relationship. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself, and with him. It’s the only way you’ll get what you want!