Sex — what once used to be the elephant in the room, has now become a topic of conversation for girls and women of all ages. The once special and meaningful act, shared between two people in love, has now become a commonality in social settings. The following are three different experiences of three different students at the University of Maryland, as they tell their own stories of their first time.
Molly
It wasn’t until her 13 year old sister sent a text saying that she was going to lose her virginity, did Molly* realized how important it was for girls to have someone, other than parents, inform them about sex. Having lost her own virginity at age 15, the University of Maryland sophomore wishes she could go back to that night in her parents’ basement, and do things a little differently.
“I saw my virginity as something I wanted to get rid of; something that made me younger and not cool – which is why I chose to do it,” says Molly. “I really only had sex with him so that he would stay with me.” Excited to share her first time with Bobby*, whom she was talking to for two years, Molly didn’t think anything would change between them. However, immediately following the act, he insisted on her performing oral sex, and didn’t talk to her again. Bobby then recounted the situation to the entire school, and her clean, good girl reputation morphed into a slutty, trashy one. “I felt completely empty inside,” Molly recalls, “He never had any interest in me, just my body.”
What really worried Molly was the fact that she wasn’t on birth control when she slept with Bobby. “Even though we used a condom, I was so worried what might happen, since we weren’t on speaking terms,” Molly explained.
“I wish I waited until I had a boyfriend, someone I was comfortable with. I just want other girls to learn from my mistake – wait until you really trust that person and really are in love with them. You need to be comfortable with whomever you’re going to do this with, and open about what might happen.”
Laila
Laila* and Jimmy* were the perfect couple – they had been close friends for two years before they accepted the fact that they both looked at each other in a more romantic light. Three months after their first date, they lost their virginity to each other; something that made it extremely special and memorable. “We did it really early in our relationship because we trusted each other and had a really good foundation. I felt very comfortable losing it to him,” she explained.
Jimmy did his best to make sure that it was perfect for Laila. Joining her family for a vacation in Cape Cod, he set out blankets and candles on the beach one night, following a romantic stroll by the ocean. Like Molly, sex changed the dynamic of the relationship, but for Laila, it changed for the better. “I think it made us closer, because we both lost it to each other and it definitely deepened the meaning of our relationship,” Laila recalls.
Although she was nervous and didn’t know what to expect, she was excited because “he meant the world to me and I was completely in love with him.” After, she remembers feeling “more in love with him as a result, as it was something that we both shared and would never forget.”
“It’s more than what people make it out to be, it has a lot of meaning to it, and really does take things to the next level. You don’t want to give it up to someone who you barely know, because then sex starts to lose its meaning, especially when it’s the first time. It’s something that you’ll never forget, so you don’t want to look back on it and regret it.”
Rachel
Like Laila, Rachel* and Corey* were best friends who decided to take advantage of their close relationship to the next level. While at a beach house one afternoon with their friends for Senior Week, Corey asked Rachel to come upstairs to talk to him. While upstairs, Corey confessed to Rachel that his mere feelings of friendship had emerged into more romantic feelings, and they could no longer be just friends.
After he explained how he couldn’t imagine him not losing his virginity to her, they ended up sleeping together later that night. “I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of this, but I knew that no matter what I decided, I was happy I lost it to a guy I knew since I was 9,” said Rachel.
Despite being at the same college, and having many of the same friends, Rachel and Corey are not romantically involved. “We wanted to protect the friendship we have, and now just isn’t a good time for us to date – but I know he has my back no matter what.” They continue to be best friends and share dating problems with each other, and hang out constantly.
“I could never have imagined losing it to someone who wasn’t my best friend. I knew he cared about me and wanted to make sure I felt safe and wanted. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
All three girls have expressed their concern in girls losing their virginity either at too young of an age, or when they are not truly ready. “This is not something you can take back, redo, and try again – this is something you’re going to remember for the rest of your life,” said Rachel. Adds Laila, “And it’ll be something that impacts every relationship decision you make for the rest of your life.”
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