“A guy as a rock is good; a guy as a crutch is bad.”
Let me start by saying that this article is not specifically aimed at single girls. In fact, it’s not aimed specifically at girls at all. This issue concerns anyone and everyone, boys and girls alike, whether you’re in a relationship or single. The issue at hand is self-confidence. Confidence in yourself. Confidence in your dreams. Confidence in your talents and in your success. Seems simple, right? Wrong. There are so many people out there who not only rely on, but also cannot be without their significant other. On the other hand, maybe they’re single, but are CONSTANTLY looking for a new beau.
Do you have a friend who is literally attached at the hip to his or her boyfriend/girlfriend? That one person who is constantly searching for the love of their life? Why is that? Why do they need to have someone by their side 24/7? Ever wonder why they just can’t be on their own? It’s because of a lack of confidence. Confidence, as defined by Webster’s dictionary, is having realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, and talent. My point is this: how can you thrive in a relationship if you can’t even make a decision on your own?
A guy as a rock is good; a guy as a crutch is bad. So, how do you differentiate the two? Using a guy/girl as a crutch is pretty easy to define. For starters, if you are in a relationship, take a step back and analyze it. If you’re doing any more than one of the following, you might want to rethink your attitude around your guy/girl:
- Ditching your friends regularly to hang out with your beau
- Constantly texting, calling, Facebook messaging, emailing, etc.
- Reading through their texts, calls, Facebook messages, etc.
- Overly showing PDA in places that aren’t appropriate (i.e., the library, out shopping, basically in any public setting).
If you find that one or more of the above apply to you, sit down with your best friends and ask them to honestly tell you what they think about your relationship and I bet they’ll tell you that you’re clingy.
If you’re single, sure you’re allowed to see as many guys/girls as you’d like, but are you constantly looking to date one of them? Are you always trying to find ‘”The One?” Well, not only may you come off as desperate, but also as lacking serious self-confidence. If you aren’t comfortable eating on your own, being without someone to talk to 24/7, or you’re always worried about where you’ll meet your next man, then I’m sorry to say but you are using that next guy as a crutch.
The reason I wanted to discuss this issue is because I was that girl for my entire dating history without knowing I acted that way. It was brought to my attention by one of my best friends when we were talking about my personal growth and self-assurance. She said being single was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me because I needed to learn how to be able to stand on my own two feet without a guy to rely on. I didn’t even realize I acted like that until she mentioned it, and the more I think about it, this really is a pretty common problem among people. Again, if you can’t be confident enough to be on your own, how do you expect to have a healthy, successful relationship with another person? If this applies to you, remember that sometimes being on your own for a while is a good thing. It gives you time to learn about and become confident in yourself, which is never a bad thing.
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