In search of material for this week’s blog, I stumbled across Cosmo’s “Advice From Guys” column. The segment “Sex Tips From Guys” contains a bunch of quotes from REAL GUYS that Cosmo located and asked about what we, as females, can do to make sex awesome. Basically what I learned from this page is that I should look innocent, but also wear wet t-shirts and be able to give really good blow jobs if I want to please my man. But what does this tell us about guys?
ORAL: Guys apparently love oral sex. Maybe even more than sex. The jury is still out on that, however, so that line of thought is to be continued. Sam, Ty, and Ken all have pretty strong ideas about the importance of blow jobs. However, none of them ever mention any reciprocal action, which is unfortunate. While I am all for oral sex, it does seem rather objectifying of women when men are turned on by the mere suggestion of receiving blow jobs (I mean, sucking on a beer bottle? For Christ sake, remind me to only drink out of a can…) and don’t seem inclined to offer pleasure to their partner in return. And going so far as to insinuate that receiving oral sex without any obligation to reciprocate the pleasure is an “ideal” sex situation seems like the ultimate jerk move to me (sorry, Ken).
“Wet your lips and moan that you can’t wait to taste me.” –Sam, 22
“Seeing a woman’s lips glide over the neck of a beer bottle always makes me think of her mouth on me.” –Ty, 21
“The night after I got a big promotion my girlfriend said she was going to give me only oral sex all night.”—Ken, 32
WET SHIRT: Do you remember being a child in the 90’s and seeing cheesy movies where the teenage/college girls wore white t-shirts and inevitably ended up getting soaked and all the guys’ jaws would just drop to the floor? Well that is still a thing that turns guys WAY on, if Cosmo is to be believed. Both Nick and Bart had ex’s that BLEW THEIR MINDS by getting their t-shirts wet. So if you aren’t opposed to wearing a cold, damp, sticky t-shirt in bed, that apparently can be a good way to turn guys on. Also, perhaps Nick and Bart should consider that perhaps the reason their ex’s are “ex” is that they got sick of always needing to wear cold wet shirts in order to turn them on.
An ex once came to bed in a soaking wet white tee shirt. The sight was jaw-dropping. –Nick, 30
“My ex would splash her tee shirt with water while washing dishes. As soon as I saw her nipples through the fabric, I’d have to touch them.” –Bart, 22
VIRGINS: Even though guys seem to love girls who wear wet t-shirts and give really good blow jobs, they also want you to act like a sweet virgin (WHO HAPPENS TO BE REALLY GOOD AT SEX). And from talking to some of my guy friends, they don’t really understand the double standard that this dichotomy imposes on women, citing “biological” explanations such as “guys are programmed to be attracted to younger girls” and “guys want to ensure that offspring is theirs, so virginal girls guarantee that.” Bleurg. That is all.
“Climb into my bed looking innocent, then do extremely dirty deeds. A girl who looks virginal but is really a sex kitten is every man’s dream.” -Clint, 25
Stay sexy, St. Olaf,
H.