As much as we’d like to, we cannot distance ourselves from the Sigma Chi email incident. We cannot fix a problem by blaming “outliers” or “lone agents” for an incident that is symptomatic of a larger issue, not just at this institution, but throughout our society. It’s in every auditorium or conference room in which a woman speaks and instead of listening, comments about her appearance are passed through the audience. It’s in every television show where the dehumanization of women is characterized as normal. It’s in every parent’s mouth who tells their children that boys will be boys.
The misogyny represented in that email is not just a Greek Life problem. It’s not just a William and Mary problem. It’s not even just a problem with men. Rape culture is everywhere, and you can stand-by and uphold it even as someone uninvolved in Greek Life. You can stay silent and uphold it as a woman or even propagate it by slut-shaming, victim-blaming, and telling other women that this is normal, and we can’t push for something better.
As a member of the William and Mary community, I was appalled by the email. It was disturbing on so many levels. The ability to objectify others as simply the body parts intended for one’s own pleasure, the willingness to call women everywhere “sluts,” the promotion of predatory viewing of women for sexual consumption, the audacity to characterize women everywhere as 99% bullsh*t apart from their genitals is absolutely vomitous. The fact that we have let this language fester not only out in the open like this, but privately, quietly, casually, is perhaps more alarming than the email itself; but on a hopeful note, it’s indicative of the role we can play in changing a culture of bystanderdom into one of proactive heroism. We see heroism as running into burning buildings, vaccinating people, leading nations—and all of these things definitely are acts of heroism—but we cannot let that downplay the heroism of telling someone that they’re participating in a culture of violence; of stopping to say, “No, that doesn’t deserve a high five—that’s messed up;” of refusing to be complicit in cycles of abuse, violence, sexism, cissexism, homophobia, and rape.
There is a natural impulse to protect one’s own community, by saying “That’s not who we are,” whether it’s as a member of the Sigma Chi community, the Greek community, or the William and Mary community. But the fact is that it happened, and it happened here. There’s a natural impulse to want to say that this person is an outlier and that they are not really one of us—but they are. They still go to class with us, they still are a part of our clubs, they still raise their voices with our to sing The Alma Mater. We can’t pass responsibility off ourselves as part of the community who set the norms. This is a part of our community and we need to work to change it.
To the men of the campus, I want to raise a challenge for you to acknowledge the fact that many of those responsible for expressing such destructive and hurtful views will often dismiss the opinions of women who point out the effects those words are having. Therefore, you need to make it your battle, because those among us who have not learned yet to challenge the patriarchal ideas they have grown up with will dismiss the opinions of women outright. We’re living in a society where women who speak out are deemed “b*tches,” or “oversensitive,” or just “don’t get the joke.” We are living in a society where women who get hassled by men at parties often can’t have their refusal of interest respected by their pursuer until the words “I have a boyfriend” leave her lips. Translation: I must respect the man’s wishes, but I don’t need to respect the woman’s. Refuse to be a bystander. Help make healthy views of women and sexuality the norm by challenging the violent, dehumanizing, and oppressive ones.
To the women on this campus, as well as those who identify with other gender-sexual minorities, and anyone and everyone else for that matter, we encourage you talk about how this incident and the overarching narrative of rape culture has affected you with your friends. There are so many people of privileged circumstances who want to learn how to care for and support everyone in this community, but have never learned about the issues they face (and this extends further than the issue of misogyny/rape culture). There are so many facets of this issue and varying experiences, and sharing those will only strengthen our response. What a shame it would be to see someone leave this institution with a first-class education of business or history or chemistry etc., without having learned the basics of identifying ideas that are rooted in destructive or hateful philosophies. We have come to this institution to learn, so that we have the tools to accomplish great things. Let’s teach each other. Let’s learn. And let’s do great things.
photo credit: flickr/Kenya Allmond