The following is a public service announcement. I’m not trying to be a snobby English Major, I swear. I am simply trying to save the world from the incorrect use of the English language, which even I am guilty of. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery. Help me to help you.
1. Literally
What You Are Saying: “I am literally freezing right now.” An amplifier.
What It Actually Means: In a literal, exact, or actual sense; not figuratively, allegorically, etc.
I’m sorry to say that you are not literally freezing. If you were literally freezing, you would have a hard time telling someone that.
2. Totally
What You Are Saying: “They are totally dating now.” Synonym: definitely.
What It Actually Means: In a total manner or degree; wholly, completely, entirely, altogether.
So we have both total warfare and total dating, I guess. That has to be a pretty intense relationship.
3. Like
What You Are Saying: 1. “So there was this girl that like had this like weird hair that was like sort of like orange.” 2. “I was like, ‘Don’t eat my chips.’ ”
What It Actually Means: 1. Having the same characteristics or qualities as some other person or thing; of approximately identical shape, size, color, character, etc., with something else; similar; resembling; analogous.
In short, the word ‘like’ cannot be used interchangeably with all commas or the word ‘said’.
4. Seriously
What You Are Saying: “This midterm is seriously going to be the death of me.” Amplifier. Similar to ‘literally’.
What It Actually Means: In a grave, solemn, or serious manner; with earnest thought or application; with serious intent, in earnest; not lightly, superficially, or in jest.
If your midterm is actually life threatening, you should probably talk to someone about that.
5. Swag
What You Are Saying: “We have so much swag.” *takes group selfie*
What It Actually Means: 1. A bulgy bag; 2. A big, blustering fellow
No comment needed here. My personal opinion: just stop using it.
6. Ironic
What You Are Saying: “It was so ironic today that I ran into Steve on my way to class.” A funny coincidence.
What It Actually Means: Of a situation, event, or outcome: cruelly, humorously, or strangely at odds with assumptions or expectations; of the nature of an irony.
If you had gone a certain way to make sure that you avoided Steve on your way to class and ended up seeing him anyway, that would be considered ironic.
7. Peruse
What You Are Saying: “I perused the Phoenix on the shuttle back from downtown today.” To skim something.
What It Actually Means: To go through, deal with (a series of things or persons) one after another; to handle, examine, or deal with (a number of things) one by one.
Oh, I know what this word means! It makes me sound smart! Wrong. Actually, what you did was the opposite of perusing, making you sound not-so-smart.
So I hope you totally had fun taking a like second to peruse this blog. You literally have so much swag for doing that. Seriously, isn’t it like ironic that you found this page?
#englishmajorproblemz