I am convinced that whoever invented the glass door fully intended to torture innocent people through his or her ridiculous contraption. Some people may argue that glass doors are great because they enable us to view the beautiful nature around us without allowing bugs or uncomfortable temperatures into our homes. However, I would like to rationally point out that windows exist for that exact purpose. Thus, the glass door is simply a deceptive trap designed to injure innocent yet somewhat aloof human beings, both physically and emotionally. While you may think my theory on the origin of glass doors extreme, I challenge you to name one person who has never walked into or witnessed someone walk into a glass door. We’ve all done it, and it is both painful and humiliating. More importantly, it is sufficiently awkward. I’m sure most of my dear readers can remember a day back in their early childhood when, in anticipation of prancing through the ever-entertaining backyard sprinklers on a gloriously sunny summer’s afternoon, they ran through what they believed to be the space of an open door, only to smash face-first into a deceivingly clean glass door. In the aftermath of such an event, my readers in their youth probably bravely stifled their anticipatory tears and played the incident off as “no biggie” in an effort to prevent an ordeal from bystanders.
While most people, generally upon the age of puberty, learn to better decipher between open and glass doors, others do not. I am one of said others. I am in my third year of college, and three weeks ago I publically walked into a glass door. I was at the gym and had just finished jamming out to Thomas Rhett and Lee Brice on the dual arc trainer. I decided to switch to some soothing and reflective TSwift and hit the yoga mats for some much-needed stretching. Keep in mind that I was completely sober as it was the middle of the afternoon, and I was not distracted by technology because there was no cell phone service in this gym. I approached the glass wall that separated the yoga studio from the cardio machines, and almost walked through the entrance in the middle of the wall, when I realized that I had left my water bottle on the arc trainer. I sighed, turned around to retrieve my water bottle, and determinedly walked right back to the yoga studio and through the entrance. Or what I thought was the entrance.
I heard a loud smash as my face collided with the glass wall that I suppose had suddenly appeared out of thin air. Have you ever been sitting in a classroom when a bird in flight suddenly smashed against a window and created a loud crashing noise? Well, in this case I was a 5’6’’ and approximately 130 lb bird. The worst part was, the second my face ricocheted off the wall, I immediately heard a deep male voice behind me say, “OH MY GOD are you okay?!” and I released all hope of there being no witnesses to my accident. Looking back, I wish I had simply giggled endearingly, shot the man a charming smile over my shoulder and said “Oh my gosh, I’m so embarrassed, but not hurt! Thanks for asking.” Instead, as my eyes began to burn and my nose started throbbing uncontrollably, I screamed a very loud and very unattractive curse word, and then ran into the yoga studio with my hand over my nose in an attempt to avoid an even longer awkward encounter with my sole witness. When I later returned to the scene to show my friends how dangerous the glass wall was, and how I was simply a victim of negligence toward gym-goers, I realized that the name of the gym was inscribed in big, black letters on the wall, right about where my face came into contact with it. Thus, I found myself in yet another awkward predicament. I still feel that glass doors, with or without inscriptions, should cease to exist. It is all too common for people to walk straight into them and receive both physical and emotional scars that may never heal. Luckily, I have enough confidence to laugh about my experience now, but I will forever remember the incident and look back on it while thinking to myself: That was awkward. I also firmly believe that the incident was a sign that no good comes from going to the gym and that I should have been eating a pizza instead.