We all have our “perfect relationship” in our minds. We get these ideas from romantic movies and books portraying unrealistic relationships. The reality is that no relationship is going to live up to these expectations. A good healthy relationship takes dedication and lots of effort. Avoid these unrealistic expectations to allow yourself to be in real, meaningful relationships.
“We will be happier in a relationship.”
If you aren’t happy now, a boyfriend isn’t going to be a magic key to happiness. Sure, another person can make you happy, but they can’t sustain your happiness. Only YOU can do that. Before seriously getting involved with anyone, you should be sure you are content and comfortable with who you are. If not, you may become dangerously dependent on your significant other for your happiness and that is very unstable.
“A good relationship means no arguments.”
Yes, lots of arguing usually means that a relationship is failing, but in any healthy relationship some arguments are bound to come up. When you are in a relationship with someone, you are getting to know him on a very deep level, deeper than any friendship. When you have different opinions on important matters, or even silly ones, it is easy to get upset being in this new state of vulnerability with this person. What is important is that issues are talked through and resolved. Being able to then acknowledge and respect each other despite your differences will only strengthen your relationship.
Assuming you’re exclusive:
Unless you have openly discussed this topic, it is naive to think you are definitely exclusive. With so many options available and so many opportunities to meet new people, most guys in college are not focused on just you. There are plenty of exceptions though, but the only way to be sure is to directly confront him on your exclusivity.
That you are always going to be put first:
Your boyfriend has a life too. He has schoolwork, a job, hobbies, friends and family and you need to be supportive of them. If you love each other, then you will find time for each other, but you can’t expect your boyfriend to wait on you hand and foot. A good relationship thrives off of a give-and-take mentality.
He will always be supportive and say the right thing:
He won’t. It is as simple as that. He should ultimately be supportive of you, but you may make some decisions that upset him. He will never immediately agree with all your decisions 100%. He also doesn’t have a script like Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook. You can’t expect him to always have the perfect words at the right moment. What should matter is that even though he might not say the right thing, he is always there for you no matter what.
These expectations are holding us back from being in great, strong relationships, so the next time you are doubting a relationship, make sure your unrealistic expectations aren’t responsible for your disappointment, Collegiettes!