To some degree, it’s safe to say that all women would like to be respected. We are well within our rights to expect respect, aren’t we? You might want to think again.
Against popular belief about respect, it appears that many of us are guilty of deciding whether or not women deserve respect based upon guidelines created by our patriarchal society. We say every woman deserves respect until said woman displays an action or characteristic deemed ‘un-lady like’ or ‘degrading’. This in turn leaves a lot of us going un-respected by our fellow women and men.
As women, we are told that if we carry ourselves a certain way and behave in a certain manner, respect will be handed to us. This type of mentality leaves us believing that basic respect as individuals must be earned. This backward thinking is very reminiscent of the politics of respectability.
The politics of respectability have been discussed as early as the 20th century by African American historians. The term stems from the idea that in order for African Americans to avoid discrimination and racially driven violence, they must adhere to guidelines that would help them be seen as good and proper within society.
By seeing themselves the way that white people wanted to see them, and then behaving accordingly, respectability would be achieved. This is referred to as “internalizing the white gaze.” Even while internalizing the white gaze, however, African Americans were and still are subject to discrimination and racial violence regardless of their efforts.
Similarly, women are often encouraged to internalize the patriarchal gaze. By seeing ourselves as men would like to see us and then behaving in accordance with that, we can gain their respect and the respect of other women who do the same.
So, you want to be respected? Apparently we must not hold occupations that are viewed as degrading. That leaves any woman that is a sex worker (e.g. porn stars, nude models, strippers, etc.) un-respected. We are told that we must not exceed a certain amount of sexual partners. That leaves any woman who has had many sexual partners un-respected.
We must not be too loud or passionate when we talk. We must dress a certain way in order to prevent receiving any sexual attention. We must be timid and not too ambitious. If we abide by these guidelines and many more, we can avoid negative attention.
The idea is that once you are able to abide by the respectability politics set for women, you will have control over how you are viewed by men and your womanly peers. It seems to be an appropriate and effective strategy until you are labeled a prude. Respectability politics seems to be the answer, until you politely turn down a young man’s romantic pursuit and you become the ‘B’ word.
In essence, respectability politics causes a lot more harm than good due to the fact that there should be no guidelines for any woman to be respected. All women, regardless of occupation, lifestyle choices, or appearance should be respected. Every single one of us are worthy of respect, love, and care. Let’s not let that mentality continue to control us and the way that we perceive other women.
Believe it or not, we are all still in jeopardy of being disrespected by the same men who put these guidelines in place regardless if we abide or not. By uplifting ourselves and one another, we can claim respect for all women, no matter who they are.