If you saw my social media accounts from freshman year, you would’ve thought I had the time of my life. It was the beginning of an era of freedom, and my photos showed me surrounded by friends, hanging out and doing whatever I wanted. But these accounts didn’t show the whole story. Freshman year was a time of freedom and fun indeed, but it didn’t feel that way at first.
As an introvert, I’ve always needed time alone to recharge. I’m happiest with small groups of friends (preferably around 2 or 3). My circles of friends may have been small, but we would do anything for each other.
So for me, orientation week was a disaster.
O-week is a tough time for an introvert. It was full of fake smiles and pointless introductions. I tried to have fun and tried to be genuine with everyone I met. But I grew tired quickly. It was just a never-ending, ceaseless bombardment of shallow, impersonal questions like “What’s your name? Where are you from? What are you planning on majoring in?” As if you could seriously remember the names, faces, birthplaces, majors, pets and favorite colors of over 200 people.
Okay that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but still. Don’t get me wrong. I love people, but I get overwhelmed and annoyed when I’m around people I’m not familiar with. I tend to clam up when I’m stuck in a huge group.
I felt like the sessions I attended during O-week were a gigantic waste of time. I suppose they helped in the sense that some of us bonded over how boring they were- they provided, ironically, a common experience for us to agonize over.
But it seriously sucked. I remember going back to my room at the end of the day lonelier than ever, feeling like I hadn’t made a real connection with anyone.
That’s the thing about college when you’re starting out— it produces the illusion that you’re surrounded by people, yet you still somehow manage to feel lonelier than ever*.
[*sometimes. That’s only sometimes. I should add that, otherwise I wouldn’t be giving some of my most cherished college friends the credit they deserve.]
I spent many nights in the first few weeks really wanting to drop out of college, or transfer to the nearby state university… because at least there, I knew I had a few friends I could count on. My childhood friend of 14 years was there, as were a few of my friends from back in middle school.
During those first few weeks, I broke down a lot. My roommate was there for me through it all, as I went through boxes of Kleenexes.
I just didn’t feel ready.
But, as humans, we’re made to adapt.
Eventually, I grew to love Duke and its people. I found a group of friends that I loved to hang out with and made new memories. Not to replace the old ones, rather, but to store alongside in a mental gallery of happiness.
I found joy again, in living in the present. Though the transition was long and hard, it happened.
I’ve come to love Duke as if it were a second home, with a second family.
My advice to anyone who feels like I did— best friends don’t happen automatically. But friendships do happen. Keep an open mind, and do your best to put yourself out there. If college feels hard, I can vouch, it will get easier.