This past weekend, the movie “The Perfect Guy” came out, staring the ever beautiful Sanaa Lathan, as well as the handsome Michael Ealy and Morris Chestnut. (You can check out the trailer here!) In the movie, Ealy plays the main love interest. He’s romantic, super smooth, and an overall gentleman. Essentially, he is the perfect guy, but only at first. As the movie goes on, you can see Ealy becomes more and more obsessive and dangerous, eventually shedding that “perfect guy” image.
Now, since this is a movie, it’s easy to see all of the red flags that are posed in the relationship between Lathan and Ealy’s characters. But, what happens when you’re in the middle of the relationship, off the big screen and in real life?
Here are some ways to tell whether or not the guy (or girl) that you’re seeing is perfect, but only for the moment.
The perfect partner…
does not obsess over or stalk you.
There is a major difference between being interested in someone, and being obsessed with someone. If your potential flame is showing up randomly, unannounced and uninvited, and it’s making you feel uncomfortable, there may be a problem here.
does give you the space that you ask for.
If you’ve decided that you’re not really feeling the relationship, or that you need to take a breather from this person, then they should give you that space that you’re asking for, and respect that feelings have changed.
does not hurt you.
The “perfect” person will absolutely never hurt you intentionally. This is the same across the board whether it is physically or emotionally, and whether the aggressor is a man or a woman. Love is not supposed to hurt, and someone that cares for you is not someone that cause you harm.
does talk with you.
In times of conflict, the “perfect” person will sit down and talk with you about it. Whether you are in the wrong or they are, communicating is the best resolution. This means that they listen (actually listen) and acknowledge that there is a problem, and try to fix it. This also means that you do the same.
does not hurt the people who are close to you.
There are times where your friends and your flame will not get along. Personalities clash, and sometimes you cannot help that. Still, this does not give the person that you are with the right to harm your friends, whether it is verbally, physically or emotionally. If your partner is comfortable causing ill-will to people that mean a lot to you, that is a definite problem.
does take into consideration the feelings of anyone that you care about.
Being cordial with your friends should be the least that your partner can do when it comes to clashing personalities. Do they have to work towards being best friends? No, not necessarily. But, your friend and partner must learn to get along and manage at least one night out without an argument.
Warning signs and red flags are not easy to see when you are the one in the midst of a relationship (especially when you’ve already fallen in love). You should always be wary of behavior that seems off to you, or actions that scare you when it comes from your partner. If you are scared that they could end up hurting you or someone that you care about, you should think about leaving that relationship, even if it seems hard. If it’s become a relationship that you are in turn afraid to leave, then get help!
There’s no such thing as the perfect guy or girl. Still, that doesn’t mean you must settle for one that is flat out wrong for you.
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