2:34 AM: YOU UP??
2:35 AM: SOS
2:36 AM: Please please pick us up!!!! Sam too drunk to drive
3:05 AM: Ugh, I’m in bed. Can you just catch the Night Nole?
Picking a gaggle of drunken fools up from the bar at 3:30 a.m. sucks.
It really sucks.
The chances of an overworked, sleep deprived college student getting out of bed in the wee hours of a Sunday morning are already low. Add the fact that they’re probably already pissed about not being able to go out with said drunken fools because they had to study for an exam, and you’re reaching abysmally low levels.
As much as we believe that we’ll always be there for our friends, that’s just not the case all of the time. Phone calls are left unanswered, cries for help ignored.
If there’s anyone we believe in more than our friends, it’s ourselves. We believe we’re untouchable. When we get that SOS text, we don’t think of what could go wrong if we don’t jump in the car for a six-minute drive.
We think, “They’ll be fine. I’m tired.”
We’re college kids who grew up in the age of smartphones and having to Google how to do our own laundry. We’re immature, impulsive, irresponsible and—in our dreams—invincible.
3:15 AM: It stopped running at 3 :((((((((((
3:17 AM: Just call an Uber, I’m going back to sleep! Text me when you’re home safe!
When we get that text, we remember the buses running but forget they stop at 3 a.m., which means that if you’re not at the stop by 2 a.m., forget it. We think of Über and how fast the driver arrived last Monday, but forget that fares increase up to four times on Saturday nights and our friends are not in the mental state to put safety before food money.
They probably spent all that money on McDonald’s while awaiting your arrival because, you know, that’s what friends are for.
When we get that text, we feel angry that the designated driver got drunk. Let’s face it—we judge Sam for drinking when she said she wouldn’t, as if we’ve never said, “Screw it,” and started throwing them back as soon as the guy at the bar offered to pay.
3:30 AM: We are chugging water. Sam can drive!!!!
Courtesy: Parks and Recreation
We don’t think of what could happen if Sam drives home after “sobering up” for one hour following five of heavy binge drinking.
I would rather see my best friend’s name light up my phone at 3 a.m. than plastered across the morning show headlines the next morning. I would rather be woken up from a dozen texts from them than one phone call from their parents.
There are situations that suck, but there are situations that suck much harder.
Don’t be that guy.
3:36 AM: STAY THERE. I’M ON MY WAY.