This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Chatham chapter.
You didn’t even realize you were saying something wrong, or you did and you thought it would be funny. Maybe you thought you were “speaking the truth” or “saying what no one else wants to say.” Or maybe it was a momentary lack of integrity and you thought no one would see you do it so it didn’t matter. Either way, you’ve been called out and rightfully so. Now what?
DO own up…right now.
Honesty is a policy that some people consider to be the best. We all know that. But here’s a pro tip: enact that policy ASAP. Don’t wait three months to admit you stole the good stapler at work. Let everyone cool down for a moment then come clean. You’ll eliminate long, drawn out drama and no one can ever say you didn’t own what you did.
DON’T return the favor and call someone else out, especially for no reason.
Mean Girls is cool, but don’t Regina George everyone. Your response to being called out may be anger at first because, let’s face it, no one likes getting called out. However, this is not your chance to flip the script and get offended for being told you were being defensive, obnoxious, apathetic, irresponsible, etc. Because no matter what day of the week it is, in this moment, people will tell you exactly where you can put your request for an apology.
DO apologize if needed.
It may be hard, you may not actually like the person, but it’s time to suck it up and say “sorry”. Especially if you accidentally used inappropriate gender terminology, offended marginalized groups of people, or anything along those lines. Check your privilege and do it.
DON’T brush it off.
The worst thing you can do is make it seem like you’re above the standards of respect. Especially if you’ve offended someone, don’t tell them their feelings are invalid. Even if you didn’t mean to offend someone, that doesn’t mean you didn’t do it. If they’re offended, they’re offended.
DO listen up for a remedy.
Usually there is a solution to the problem that you have been called out for. Listen to the person who called you out to see what you can do in the future to not have this happen again. Maybe you need to change your tone of voice, stop littering, or be more considerate and understanding of others.
All of these things are considering you actually care, admittedly. They’re also considering that you deserved to be called out. Here are some ways to decipher if the finger pointed at you should find another direction.
1. If you are being called out as a minority because you rattled some members of the majority. Are you being called out by a meninist, white feminist, “ally”, or by someone who believes in reverse racism? No need to follow “to-do,” go ahead and follow up with the “don’t do”. As tastefully and as respectfully as possible of course.
2. Are you being called out because you don’t fit into the box that someone thinks you should fit in? Then forget about them. Hearing the words you shouldn’t be doing (fill in the blank) because “that’s not what black people do,” “that’s not what women do,” “that’s not what LGBTQ+ identifiers should do,” etx. isn’t going to grow you if you listen to them. Black people can like Indie Rock, Women can wear tuxedos, and LGBTQ+ members can prefer whomever they want without worrying if they still fit into a certain label.
3. You didn’t actually do anything. This isn’t just that you thought it wasn’t a big deal, this is when someone calls you out for a specific reason but it turns out all is well because you never did any of that. This can be a combo of the first two if the stars align. Cases like these often rise from a miscommunication.
You’re not always going to say or do the right thing in a world that is revealing new layers and new ways to live all the time, so being called out is going to happen. When it does, use that moment as a learning experience that you can grow from.