Let’s face it: having a significant other takes a lot of work! Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship is a lot of fun but being able to maintain one that’s more “grown-up” requires more than just your lovey dovey “good morning” texts. As you transition out of your ‘it’s my way or the highway’ mentality, you’ll be surprised how much of a difference you’ll notice in your way of thinking, emotional stability and overall well-being once you start to integrate these mature mentalities. If you’re ready to say goodbye to petty fights, unnecessary arguments and the agony of silence treatments and passive aggressiveness, keep reading to transform your relationship into something more serious and worthwhile.
1. Take the time to understand
Steve Jobs once said, “I don’t really care about being right, I just care about success.”
Yeah, okay… maybe he was referring to the success of some technological innovation that would one day transform our modern society, but still, Jobs had the right idea. His quote is relevant because, even in relationships, it’s not about being right. More so, it’s about being understood. It’s okay to ‘agree to disagree’ on certain subjects but it’s silly to go about life thinking other opinions aren’t as great or important as yours. In more or less words, you must learn how to get over yourself. Being in a mature relationship means embracing the beauty of give-and-take: give your patience and take the time to appreciate alternative perspectives. If you care about having a successful relationship, let go of the “I’m always right” mentality and work towards being more accepting and open-minded. Find out WHY your partner feels the way they do and HOW they came about thinking that way. Dig deeper than the surface level thinking. This isn’t “High School Musical;” don’t always stick to the stuff you know.
2. Work as a Team
Being committed doesn’t mean giving up your hobbies and interests; it means being able to share them with someone you love. The difference between immature and mature is in the transition from simply being together to becoming a team. That means celebrating each other’s successes, working together to understand and solve issues and helping each other get to the next level—in terms of school, career, health as well as any other personal goals and objectives. Your boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn’t just be a cute face you like to waste the day with from time to time, they should be your partner—someone who makes you believe that the two of you can take on the world. If you’re already giving someone so much of your time, why not spend it doing something meaningful that benefits you and strengthens your bond?
3. Appreciate the Little Things
It’s debatable, but judging by a lot of recent conversations a lot of people would argue: good relationships are hard to come by. So, if you feel like you have a good thing going, take the time to appreciate that. Sometimes, we get so sucked into what feels good, we forget to be our best selves. We get comfortable, our manners slip and “thank yous” and “I appreciate yous” become rare. But like most things in life, you shouldn’t take anything—mostly meaningful relationships—for granted. Whether or not you end up sticking with your love interest or move onto someone new next month, be thankful for what you have now but nothing else is guaranteed. And chances are, one day, you’ll look back on your memories of being in that one relationship and remember how great it felt to love that person and have that person love you. Being in love is a beautiful thing so why not appreciate it now, when it’s right in front of you.
4. Just Be Honest
If it bothers you that your bf/gf is always late or texts excessively during dinnertime, let them know how you feel. Frankly, guys AND girls can be oblivious sometimes. If you don’t make it a point to share your feelings, the problem will continue and you’ll start to slowly build up some sort of resentment towards that person and it’s just not healthy. As much as we’d like to think otherwise, people can’t read minds. If something annoys you or if you’re feeling upset about something, express it and help that person understand. Honesty is a pivotal part of a mature relationship. You can’t expect someone to honest with you if you can’t be honest with yourself. It’s okay to tell your boyfriend that their pink v-neck looks like something you wore in the 8th grade. Okay, maybe not in such a snarky way but you get the point.
5. Talk Things Through
This one ties into the honesty rule: communication is key, and everybody knows that. But does everyone practice it? Probably not. If you and your bf/gf disagree on something and you can’t seem to fully understand where they’re coming from (like… what do you mean I can’t be friends with my exes!), it’s important to talk it out—until however long it takes for that person to understand. Never go to sleep feeling angry; it creates distance and leaves a lot of uneasy/hurt feelings. What may have worked for someone in your previous relationship may not work in your current one. Meaning, everyone is different so you have to really get to know someone by picking their brain. Be honest and say how you feel but don’t sell yourself short by not valuing your own opinions. If you feel strongly about something, tell them why. It may get tiresome but you have to practice patience and keep reminding yourself: it’ll be worth it at the end of the day (or night, however long you stay up to make things right). Being in a mature relationship means learning how to communicate properly and effectively so both people are respected and understood.