Dear Angel,
I cannot erase the moment when I heard you had passed. An overwhelming weight of sadness layered itself over my heart. Those words pierced into my soul, forcing me to admit that this was not a dream, but an incredibly unfortunate reality. Tears streamed from my eyes and my heart scurried its way to my throat. My stomach dropped. I became numb. Through all of the pain and confusion, I was struck with a horrifying question: how would I begin to live my life without your beautiful soul in it?
I remember traveling to the hospital to collect your belongings and share in our final goodbyes. For the duration of the car ride, my heart and mind played a grueling game of tug-of-war. Would I react calmly and peacefully, or rage through the morgue with an indescribable anger? I wrestled with these thoughts and many others. The tears returned and a deep pit of despair rumbled in my heart. I tried to remind myself that it was all simply a horrific nightmare, but reality knocked me out of breath as we pulled into the hospital.
This was our final visit to see you. Angel, it was so difficult. Knowing that you, body and soul together, were still functioning a few floors above us just hours before. But we were too late. Your time had come, and it wasn’t waiting for public visitation hours.
We spoke with a nurse that was on your case. She was lovely. She hugged us warmly and extended her sincerest apologies. I felt goose bumps trail down my spine. You were there, Angel. I could feel your presence fluttering around our numb bodies. The nurse told us brief details, but she reassured us that you went home peacefully. You showed no signs of struggle and your eyes closed slowly. God was so gentle with you Angel, and that gave me immense peace.
Angel, you are free now. You are free of pain, hurt, danger and sadness. You are free from your illness. You are free from hospitals and radiology labs. Sweet Angel, you are free from the turmoil in this world. You are free from evil and destruction. You are safe and utterly free. You can walk again without struggle. You can now lift your feet with no pain. You are in Heaven eternally, surrounded by peace and love.
I miss you every day, Angel. I wish I could call you or visit you, just to see your smile. I wish I could talk to you about all things, big and small. I wish I could hear your words of encouragement. I wish I would listen to your stories and laugh along with you. One day, Angel, we will be reunited, and all of those things will be possible once again. But until that day arrives, I must hold our memories in my heart forever.
Please watch over me, Angel. Keep me safe and protected. Guide me on the path that God assures is best for me. Angel, don’t forget to remind me to enjoy life. Show me adventures and exciting opportunities. But Angel, most importantly, never forget that how much you’re loved.
See you soon,
Arin