Dealing with moments of failure, loss, or rejection can be tough. I believe that it is much easier to pretend to have coped than it is to actually cope in these situations. As of late, there have been and continue to be many efforts at York trying to shed light on mental health awareness. Keeping that in mind, truly coping is important.
I spent the last month campaigning in representation of my team for a university election that I was running in. During reading week, I found out that I did not win. Each day in the week following results, people approached me and asked about whether or not I had won. I frequently responded by telling them that, “I lost.” But what had I really lost? Was something taken away from me? No. Time was spent. But a discussion as to what is or isn’t a waste of time is an entirely separate philosophical discussion, and also neverending. So, having that discussion would probably be a waste of time. (Haha. Get it?)
Flipping the question, what had I gained? I am astonished at the massive amount of relationships made and experiences gained throughout such a small time period. In every moment that feels like a great loss, it is probably because there was so much invested in the opportunity. Unless the investment was purely money, there are always wonderful moments to reflect on in these moments.
As a blogger, writing about losing was a no-brainer to me after having lost the election. But as I began to write it, I became embarrassed and decided to sack it. Are people going to think that I can’t move on?
There is always disappointment in losing. Losing sucks.
In order to get past it, there are only two things that can be done:
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Get over it by relying solely on time–wait until you begin to forget.
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Stop looking at it as a loss.
There are absolutely more things that you gained than the one thing that you didn’t obtain. In my case, I chose to be proud of the team that I worked so hard campaigning for rather than be bitter about an individual position.
It probably sounds cliche to discuss the importance of journey over winning/losing. That’s probably why we don’t accept it. It is so obvious and we have heard it numerous times. Telling yourself something isn’t enough. You have to believe it. I told myself that I had attained so much throughout the journey and formed so many bonds, but still felt like failure. What made me stop feeling like a failure was when I started to think about not just why I wanted to win, but why I initially set off on the journey. I thought about the reasons for why I wanted to win– of things that I had attained regardless of my ability to secure the position (like wanting to share my visions with others and getting them excited about being involved at school).
I learned so much about the people around me. There were people who I expected to support me and they didn’t. There were many people who I had no expectations from, who supported me immensely and kept me sane throughout the process. Surround yourself with these people when you need them. But also take the time to reflect on your own. A few things to think about:
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Don’t be angry. Don’t play blame games. Nothing comes out of it.
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Show appreciation for the people who were and are by your side.
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If you’re passionate, the work doesn’t stop at a loss.
Try to be prepared for the fact that you might not get what you want, but don’t let fear hold you back.