I want to start this off by saying that I am in no way anti-technology or anti-social media. I love my iPhone very much and I check my social media accounts daily. I also have plans to pursue a career in social media marketing one day. Technology has positively impacted the way we communicate in many ways, but with social media and technology’s huge role in society, it is impossible to ignore the negative part it plays in modern-day relationships. These ideas and opinions are definitely not true for everyone or every relationship, but chances are, you have encountered it in your life at some point, whether it was your own relationship or someone else’s.
(Photo courtesy of askdiane.com)
Let’s start with cell phones in general. Back in the day when only landlines existed, phones were not the cause of arguments like they are now. Now, when someone doesn’t answer a text right away, we automatically become frustrated or think something is wrong. Not, “oh, they might be busy,” or, “oh, they forgot to respond,” we tend to think the worst. Most people tend to check their phones throughout the day, so whenever their friends don’t get a timely response (usually around 5 minutes) it creates worry, even though it is usually completely unnecessary.
And don’t even get me started on read receipts, iPhone’s “helpful” little invention that lets you know when someone reads your texts. As many of us know, it’s easy to become bothered when we see someone has read our message but has not responded. This person most likely had something come up which caused a delay in their response, or she might not have been in the mood to talk. BOTH are valid reasons as to why someone might not have responded right away, but the read receipts have the possibility to make the situation far worse, which it is why it’s usually safer to have them turned off.
Cell phones also bring on our favorite habit of drunken texting and calling. I would venture to say that a majority of college students have sent a drunk text that they regret the next day. Perhaps they called a boy they had a crush on five (maybe closer to 20) times, maybe they sent angry texts to the boy that screwed them over or maybe they were fighting with their significant other over something that happened two weeks ago. Drinking alcohol and having a communication device so conveniently in their hands allows for these mistakes easily to happen.
Besides being drunk, communicating over text can often lead to meanings and interpretations getting skewed. In fact, fighting over text may be the worst idea ever invented. You could say something that the recipient takes very offensively, but you never meant to offend them in the first place. You could receive a text that makes you very angry, when in reality you interpreted the text in the completely wrong way than the person intended. Bottom line is that you’re not able to hear tone of voice or see facial expressions, which are two essential components to communicating effectively.
(Photo courtesy of amberkeller.com)
Having a cell phone can also take away quality time between two people. A perfect example of this phenomenon is when you see two people out on a date who are sitting on their cell phones. Whether it’s both people or just one, focusing on text messages or social media takes away from the time they are spending together. They are not fully engaged with each other, and that alone can affect the quality of the relationship. Face it: It doesn’t make you feel very good if you’re trying to talk to someone but he’s too preoccupied by his phone.
And then there’s the inevitable issue of checking your partner’s phone. Every relationship is different when it comes to cell phone use. Some believe you have the right to your own privacy, and others believe that you should openly share whatever is in your phone. If a couple can agree on what works best for them, that’s great, but it can become a real issue when a couple can’t agree. If one prefers to keep their phone private, it will always cause a suspicion in the other person, whether they have a reason to be suspicious or not. This suspicion can then lead to unnecessary drama in the relationship. Note: There IS a difference between simply using your partner’s phone, and deliberately going through it in order to find something.
Now, let’s move on from cell phones in general and enter into the topic of social media. This can include, but is not limited to, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tinder and Snapchat. It’s hard to tell whether or not cell phones or social media have a greater impact on relationships, but social media might have a more negative one. Problems and fights in relationship related to social media are totally unique to our generation. Our grandparents never fought about whom they were following on Twitter or what pictures on Instagram they liked.
Fights can start because of social media, no matter how stupid or trivial they may be. It could be because your boyfriend is following girls on social media, or your girlfriend liked a boy’s tweet. Even if that girl and guy are just friends, it has the possibility of causing a fight over suspicion or jealousy. It could lead someone constantly checking who they are following, what photos they liked, who liked their photo or who retweeted their tweet.
Again, not everyone gets bothered by the things they see on social media. However, with its increasing prominence, it definitely has the possibility. And for the ones that are easily bothered by it, it has the possibility to drive you completely bonkers (like when Snapchat allowed you to see everyone’s best friends)! It can end up making you crazy when you’re not or fall into the “crazy girl” when you otherwise would not fit that description. No one likes to be in a relationship when you’re constantly being questioned by the other person, especially if it’s over a follow or something you over-thought in your head.
This is not to excuse or ignore the fact that social media has allowed people to do shady things! Maybe that girl your boyfriend started following became someone he cheated on you with (if that’s the case, dump him!), or maybe you sent some “scandy” pictures on Snapchat to someone you shouldn’t have. Social media has made it very easy to meet and communicate with mass amounts of people compared to when traditional geographical barriers restrained our parents and grandparents.
I want to finish this article by restating that this is NO way the case of all relationships. Many healthy relationships exist with the use of cellphones and social media. In fact, you should probably only be in a relationship when cell phones and social media are not a cause of constant problems. We ignore how social media and technology has powerfully impacted our generation’s relationship; maybe this will let you look at your own relationship and realize how much of an impact it really has and what changes need to be made.